This post is for anyone and everyone who is in any capacity concerned about mental health issues. It'll take you a while to read but I have a few thoughts I'd like to share. Pause or scroll away, whatever you wish.
If you've known me for a while, you would be well aware of the fact that I'm pretty vocal about certain topics, mental health is one. I gladly engage in discussion relevant to it and I'm definitely not a certified counselor, but I'm always open to conversation with people who feel the need to speak to someone. Through my own experience, sometimes a conversation is vital to keep you sane. I promise complete confidentiality in such cases, and whether we know each other in a personal capacity or not, I respect their privacy.
I recently had a conversation with someone. Bearing in mind that I would not like to reveal their identity in any capacity, I'm only here to tell you somethings I picked up upon. This isn't the first time, but this time something was so different that I found the need to talk about this.
The said person and I both are brown. And really they don't know me much at all. This is the first time I've had someone open up to me like this, given we barely know each other, almost strangers. But they knew I was all ears for anyone who needed someone to listen to them, so they hit me up. Usually we prefer to confide in someone close to us. But the reason they opted to talk to me (almost a stranger to them) was because the people closest to them have pretty harshly rejected conversation. This is the red flag. They trusted a stranger over the people close to them, because they didn't get support rather faced sheer criticism.
Mental health is still very much stigmatized in our society. Since it refuses to accept that these problems exist, most of the people going through any such situation have no medical record to support their condition. Brown people refuse to acknowledge anything unless there's documentation for it and of course they also have a tendency to blame people for their problems. That's exactly what happened with this person too. Our society easily blames people for even their physical misfortunes, then given it's not ready to acknowledge mental health issues, it's way worse. Additionally, since more young people are coming out and being vocal about mental health, most of us get labeled as attention seekers who are just overthinking and exaggerating things out of proportion. Now this is not to say I'm blind to the fact that people can fake things, but really telling that to everyone doesn't help you identify if their problem is real or like you'd prefer believing in, they're "faking it".
It's true that counseling should help you and yes you should consult a professional. But in my own experience I was present at such a session with someone very dear to me. I don't think our brown society is ready to have this conversation even when one of the person involved is a psychologist or counselor. I was astonished with the way I saw the psychologist do the same thing every other person would do outside their clinic, blame the sufferer for their suffering. Personally, I don't mean to generalize and say that's how all professionals are and so you shouldn't consult them at all. No, please go see one if it can help you. But after that experience, I don't think I'll be comfortable with the thought of ever paying a visit to one, at least back home. This horrendous experience I witnessed was at a very renowned hospital in the capital so that's enough to scare me away from even imagining what happens in other places.
Now the person who contacted me did so 1) because the people around them only chose to play the blamegame 2) they're afraid to have this conversation with their parents knowing they'll have a similar reaction 3) they found it easier to talk to someone who was open to mental health conversations, even if just a stranger.
On top of that, they're a psychology student themselves. Not only did the person they talk to blame them for exaggerating things but also blamed their education for it. They ended up in such a situation where it honestly hurt to read the texts they were sending to me. They were not in a good place and thanks to this uncooperative attitude they had to experience, they were doubting their own sanity. I really am of no help at all. I've no knowledge regarding helping anyone in such a scenario. But the 15 minutes we spent talking, they left off relieved with the thought that they shouldn't be afraid to seek help, they just need to talk to people who could listen to them without hurting them further. I've made absolutely no difference in their life, and I cannot. Really no-one can. Brown people treat everything as if it has a cure, cure it and move on. That really isn't how mental health issues are. It's not a mathematical sum that has a solution and yep you found x so end up of conversation. More often than not, it's all recurring too. As a society we need to understand that no-one wants to live a miserable life. Believe me everyone wants their problems to end. But mental health isn't something like cold or flu, so stop treating it like that. Encourage people by saying things will get better but don't expect them to wake up in the morning and go like that's it, my depression is cured and I'll never be stressed out again.
This individual sought comfort in talking to a stranger. And they're very young. I'm glad that they spoke to me because they knew they needed to. They needed someone to encourage them without making them feel pathetic for asking for help. But please, please be more understanding towards the people around you. If they don't want to open up-to you, respect that. If they wish to open up-to you, please be more welcoming. Do not push them away. Do not drive them towards self-doubt. Not everyone will choose to try talking to someone else instead. And I don't even want to imagine the consequences of shutting everyone out. Nothing kills you more than being in that situation and being on your own. Please don't show your concern for mental health as just a topic. Please be considerate to those around you who are going through such things. This place is not one to preach and I don't expect to really be contributing towards making a difference by just talking about it. So that's exactly what I don't do, I don't post stuff here and assume my contribution ends there. I remember these things when I'm around people, where my actions actually make a difference. If you're reading this, I just hope you remember these things the next time you're in a capacity to influence someone's life by merely use of words.
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