How to Raise a Girl the Conservative Way

Blogger's note: Before and while reading this do bear in mind that I am not presenting the situation of every girl's life, only what happens with many. Our society has certain issues and it is important that they are addressed but this content in no way projects this story as the custom of the every household. The content below may speak of some values that are affiliated with religion. Do note that the author is most certainly not speaking against these values but how sometimes they are misused by extremists to target girls in highly inappropriate ways, or how sometimes one may not conform to one of these values at a particular instant but there is a logical reason for not being able to do so. I am someone who respects the code of mehrum and na mehrum. But is it justified to judge a girl's character if she is not purely abiding by it? She may be going against a religious value but does anyone have a justification for judging her? No. I am not someone pro the display of skin, but to question a girl for raising her skirt a bit just so she doesn't trip is illogical to me. Cross your legs, sit straight! That is not how ‘good’ girls sit. Lower your voice, girls are not supposed to raise their voice so much. Sit properly and look down, good girls stay silent usually. Don’t go out alone, and don’t tell me your brother can, you’re just a little girl. But mother we’re both the same age. Ssssh! Not another word from your mouth Zara, is that what I have taught you? When your elders say something, they say it because they know better than you. Listen to your elders, don’t argue with them. That makes you seem blunt and rude. Don’t interfere much when guests come over; help me with the dishes in the kitchen. Don’t tell me I let your brother go to sit with the guests; he needs to learn to sit with the big boys. When you’re free come to me, I shall teach you how to sew. Why did you take so much time to come out today? You know your father has to go to work after picking you up from school. But mom I told you not to send him today, I told you I would come back on my own. I had a basketball practice afterschool today. What did you say missy? You will come back on your own. Don’t you dare say that again! Do you not know how ‘cruel’ the outside world is? But mom you let Asim come home alone, you never stop him. Is the world not cruel to him? Yes, the world is not cruel to him, because he is a boy and you are just a girl. I don’t want to hear again about you playing those sports, your brother can, it is not a girl’s thing. Now hurry up and finish your work, you have to help me with preparing the dinner after you are done. A girl should know how to cook good food and keep the house clean. When we’re done cooking you need to see how I iron clothes, you are growing up now; you need to learn to do all these chores. What took you so long to dust off the dirt from the decorations in the lounge? And what is that in your hand, don’t tell me you broke another one of my vases. Girls should be vigilant and not so clumsy. Go clean up yourself; good girls should always be neat and tidy. And why are you holding your skirt up high? Your legs should not be seen. I know mother but I just picked it up a little for walking up the stairs. Don’t argue with me Zara, do as you are told. And it is high time you start wearing a stole, you are growing up and women should cover themselves. But mother my shirt is already so loose! Don’t argue with me young lady, you need to start listening to me more. Now hurry up and go clean your room, and clean your brother’s too. He must be really tired after he comes back from school. Mother can I go to my friend’s birthday? No, you most certainly cannot go out all alone. But mother I am 16 now, and you let Asim stay out till midnight without Dad’ permission. You don’t even scold him for coming home so late. You hide it from Dad that he hasn’t come home yet, you lie to him that Asim is studying in his room. How dare you tell me what to do? Your brother is a boy, do you not understand that. Stop comparing him with yourself! I don’t want to hear any of this nuisance anymore, go up to your room straight away. Cover your head when you step out of the house. Have I not told you allowing you to go out on your own is only a compulsion for me, when neither your father nor I can pick you up. It’s a compulsion and we expect you to listen to us. Look down and walk straight, don’t stop anywhere, or the boys shall chase you. But mother why don’t their mothers tell them it’s wrong to do so. Don’t teach me morals Zara; I can’t reform the entire world as you wish. But mother even Asim eve teases girls, you don’t stop him either. How dare you talk about your brother like that? I don’t want to see you talking like that again. Only two years till you are eighteen! Concentrate more on yourself, like this no-one will marry you. Start losing some weight and here apply this on your face, your skin is tanning way too much. Boys don’t like dark-skinned girls. Only two more years till I am 18, what happens then mother? Is it something so special? Keep quiet young lady, a girl should not question things so much. Sara’s mother was talking about you. She was saying you have started to talk to the boys a lot. You know people will judge your character, good girls don’t talk to boys that much. But mother they are my friends. Do you not have enough female friends young woman? Is this why we put you in a co-education college? We put you there so you could study, and you are busy befriending boys. Focus on completing your education soon. You’re 18 now and your father and I are now starting to worry about your marriage. Come here, cover your head and take this tray in the lounge. Don’t say much, just offer a greeting. Serve them quietly and I’ll be there by then, come sit next to me. But mother who are they; I have never seen them before? They have come here with a marriage proposal; they want you to become their daughter in law. But mother I want to get a job. I want to work on my career. Stop arguing with me young lady and do as you are told, you completed your education, is that not enough for you? Go on now! I don’t want to repeat myself again. Mother it’s only been a few months to my marriage, and my mother-in-law wants me to have a baby soon. She is right, do as she says. Don’t go against her commands, did I not tell you to respect her even more than your own mother. Don’t argue with her like you argue with me. She is not your mother, only I can bear all your rants. Pray that your first child is a son; it will raise your status in the household. And if it is a girl, try for another child before your sister-in-law has a boy. She is younger than you; you must have a boy before her, if you want to be recognized for your status in the house. Mother my husband is having an affair with another woman. When I confronted him he says he is a man and he can do anything he wants. He taunts me that my own brother also had multiple girlfriends. If I say too much he raises his hand. Mother I do everything as you told me to and he is still not happy with me. He searches for happiness in other women. Patience my child, a woman should learn to be patient. Don’t raise your voice or retaliate much, he is your husband, you should listen to him. Learn to bear, a girl should not complain to her mother each time something happens in her new home. Try to bear little things, women are supposed to be patient. Good gracious woman, tell your daughter to sit properly. That is not how ‘good’ girls sit.