Conversations With A Stranger

This post is for anyone and everyone who is in any capacity concerned about mental health issues. It'll take you a while to read but I have a few thoughts I'd like to share. Pause or scroll away, whatever you wish.

If you've known me for a while, you would be well aware of the fact that I'm pretty vocal about certain topics, mental health is one. I gladly engage in discussion relevant to it and I'm definitely not a certified counselor, but I'm always open to conversation with people who feel the need to speak to someone. Through my own experience, sometimes a conversation is vital to keep you sane. I promise complete confidentiality in such cases, and whether we know each other in a personal capacity or not, I respect their privacy.

I recently had a conversation with someone. Bearing in mind that I would not like to reveal their identity in any capacity, I'm only here to tell you somethings I picked up upon. This isn't the first time, but this time something was so different that I found the need to talk about this.

The said person and I both are brown. And really they don't know me much at all. This is the first time I've had someone open up to me like this, given we barely know each other, almost strangers. But they knew I was all ears for anyone who needed someone to listen to them, so they hit me up. Usually we prefer to confide in someone close to us. But the reason they opted to talk to me (almost a stranger to them) was because the people closest to them have pretty harshly rejected conversation. This is the red flag. They trusted a stranger over the people close to them, because they didn't get support rather faced sheer criticism.

Mental health is still very much stigmatized in our society. Since it refuses to accept that these problems exist, most of the people going through any such situation have no medical record to support their condition. Brown people refuse to acknowledge anything unless there's documentation for it and of course they also have a tendency to blame people for their problems. That's exactly what happened with this person too. Our society easily blames people for even their physical misfortunes, then given it's not ready to acknowledge mental health issues, it's way worse. Additionally, since more young people are coming out and being vocal about mental health, most of us get labeled as attention seekers who are just overthinking and exaggerating things out of proportion. Now this is not to say I'm blind to the fact that people can fake things, but really telling that to everyone doesn't help you identify if their problem is real or like you'd prefer believing in, they're "faking it".

It's true that counseling should help you and yes you should consult a professional. But in my own experience I was present at such a session with someone very dear to me. I don't think our brown society is ready to have this conversation even when one of the person involved is a psychologist or counselor. I was astonished with the way I saw the psychologist do the same thing every other person would do outside their clinic, blame the sufferer for their suffering. Personally, I don't mean to generalize and say that's how all professionals are and so you shouldn't consult them at all. No, please go see one if it can help you. But after that experience, I don't think I'll be comfortable with the thought of ever paying a visit to one, at least back home. This horrendous experience I witnessed was at a very renowned hospital in the capital so that's enough to scare me away from even imagining what happens in other places.

Now the person who contacted me did so 1) because the people around them only chose to play the blamegame 2) they're afraid to have this conversation with their parents knowing they'll have a similar reaction 3) they found it easier to talk to someone who was open to mental health conversations, even if just a stranger.

On top of that, they're a psychology student themselves. Not only did the person they talk to blame them for exaggerating things but also blamed their education for it. They ended up in such a situation where it honestly hurt to read the texts they were sending to me. They were not in a good place and thanks to this uncooperative attitude they had to experience, they were doubting their own sanity. I really am of no help at all. I've no knowledge regarding helping anyone in such a scenario. But the 15 minutes we spent talking, they left off relieved with the thought that they shouldn't be afraid to seek help, they just need to talk to people who could listen to them without hurting them further. I've made absolutely no difference in their life, and I cannot. Really no-one can. Brown people treat everything as if it has a cure, cure it and move on. That really isn't how mental health issues are. It's not a mathematical sum that has a solution and yep you found x so end up of conversation. More often than not, it's all recurring too. As a society we need to understand that no-one wants to live a miserable life. Believe me everyone wants their problems to end. But mental health isn't something like cold or flu, so stop treating it like that. Encourage people by saying things will get better but don't expect them to wake up in the morning and go like that's it, my depression is cured and I'll never be stressed out again.

This individual sought comfort in talking to a stranger. And they're very young. I'm glad that they spoke to me because they knew they needed to. They needed someone to encourage them without making them feel pathetic for asking for help. But please, please be more understanding towards the people around you. If they don't want to open up-to you, respect that. If they wish to open up-to you, please be more welcoming. Do not push them away. Do not drive them towards self-doubt. Not everyone will choose to try talking to someone else instead. And I don't even want to imagine the consequences of shutting everyone out. Nothing kills you more than being in that situation and being on your own. Please don't show your concern for mental health as just a topic. Please be considerate to those around you who are going through such things. This place is not one to preach and I don't expect to really be contributing towards making a difference by just talking about it. So that's exactly what I don't do, I don't post stuff here and assume my contribution ends there. I remember these things when I'm around people, where my actions actually make a difference. If you're reading this, I just hope you remember these things the next time you're in a capacity to influence someone's life by merely use of words.

Choices

Make your own choices.
Use what you've seen and what you've learnt to infer who you should be or become.
Welcome what others may have to say.
Communicate your own thoughts without biases.
Put your thought processes towards understanding what choice is realistic, reasonable and applicable.
Consider factors that affect you and consider how you may affect others.
But in the end even after all of this, there is no certainty that you made the best choice.
But at least you made your own choice.
There's no regret left behind because you didn't value your judgement.
At least the results were preceded by your efforts to make the best choice.
What followed factors in not only your decision but the circumstances you encountered before and after taking it.

We all grow and evolve.
And if there's something I've learnt overtime, gradually through every stage, it's to communicate with others but not be guided by any.
Find inspirations, not instructions.
Free yourselves from labels and laws that govern our individual ideals and form monsters in the name of what the society shall say.
Remember the basic rules centered around morals and ethics that are the core of humanitarian principles.
Our faiths and our beliefs do not have to be the same to understand anything that brings harm shouldn't be a valid choice.
And even if your choice becomes a cause of destruction for you, you made it knowing what you were getting yourself into.
Just remember to not harm another individual by your action.
Center your morals upon ideals that are common to all, or at least a significant majority. Center your morals upon how your choices can impact someone, including of course yourself. Center them upon the basic instincts not beliefs that immediately tell you, this may be wrong but that doesn't seem right.
But don't count your beliefs as morals and ethics.
Because beliefs can differ, but basic ethics are unanimous, and they shall be.

And above all, respect people's choices.
Respect their right for only them to be responsible for the choices they make.
Don't hold them accountable to yourself.
Don't hold them accountable to your beliefs.
Hold them accountable to basic ethics if they violate.
Stop them, prevent things, only if what they're doing is against the basic ideals of humanity.

You don't have to be the follower of any faith or a part of any culture to fear the consequences of your actions.
There is no sin greater than causing destruction that can impact others.
You don't have to be the believer of any faith to remember that.
People's rights and humanity shouldn't consider and shouldn't only be considered when associated to any faith or culture.

We as people need a way to lead life, and so we choose a faith or are given one at birth. And we choose to stay with it, move to another or drop all.
And if you want to lead your life according to any or none at all, that depends upon you.
But no matter what choice you make, you are still a human.
You are not answerable to anyone for your beliefs except whoever you believe in.
But your actions should never violate basic ethics regardless of the choices you make.

This is not to say I promote the idea of forgetting your religion or culture. I don't. But my faith applies to me and so does my culture. If I believe I am answerable to God that is my belief. I shouldn't have the right to force that accountability on anyone else. No faith promotes forgetting one's impact on mankind. So remember that beyond just what you believe in. Because I a Muslim and my Christian friend may not agree on everything since our beliefs differ. But neither should forget our beliefs apply to us only. Our actions should respect our rights and those of others as individuals, whether or not our beliefs converge in that respect is not a given.