The Half Human

It's customary in most places for children to be granted or charged less than adults for the very same thing, be it reward or punishment, children receive only a half. It may seem as a fair way and I don't disagree. But this idea of children receiving only half has enlightened me to think about something, are children half human?

Odd question? Well yes if course. But what if I tell you that from what I understand it's very true. Innocent young souls, not very little but not even quite like their adults. They may physically resemble the adults, their senses and desires may match too, but psychologically they're quite different from the grown up version of humans, more specifically today's humans.

Hate, xenophobia, racism, bigotry, selfishness, warmongers, heartless and criminals are just some of the words that don't have any place in their hearts till now. They have not adapted any of such qualities or become like any of these persons.They aren't influenced by the superiority complex, they don't practice discrimination. For an average human of today, such a thing is unlikely. It is unlikely for someone to not possess even form of evil. If one doesn't, then they most likely are the silent observers, who're even worse than the evil ones, because they see evil, they recognize it as wrong and yet they take no positive action against it.

Children can be described as naughty, they can do something wrong but only out of innocence, unlike their adults who do all this intentionally. Children are pure souls, the souls we adults educate to support evil. No child is born a xenophobe, a criminal, a hater, a racist...we make them so. We educate them to become a complete human, according to our definition a person who is bound to practice or support at least one form of evil.

Taming Women: The Impact of South Asian Codes of Conduct (Research Paper)

Bite your tongue, don’t say a word. Your voice isn’t supposed to be ever heard. Don’t shut yourself away, don’t you dare flinch. Your emotions are what makes their (men) hearts cringe. Chant this day and night, and believe me, you will already be past some of the main stages of becoming the perfect South Asian woman. Incorporate these ideas into your daily life, make them your mantras. Follow them, like to follow them is the sole way to survive. Believe me, you have already made quite a good start at embracing the values of the South Asian women.

The land of the 8 nations: India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Afghanistan, Nepal, Bhutan, Maldives and Sri Lanka, is where you will trace the origin of one of the strongest codes of conduct followed by women in the world; “the unnamed code”. As ironic as it may seem that this code has no certain name for its recognition, as true is the fact that this code does exist. The main rules of this conduct are the same for most of the situations in life. Silence of women on the atrocities they face, is one of the ways these women abide by these set of rules, since silence is the cornerstone of this code. It dictates that a woman does not have the right to rebel. Other rules include the acceptance of the concept of inferiority with regards to comparison with the opposite gender, giving up the right to make choices, living life in accordance with the decisions people make for you, recognizing that a woman has no right to complain, conforming to certain ideals etc.

The following examples from the different stages of a hypothetical female’s life in this region are products of either rules of the conduct itself, or the different ways it influences the lives of females in the form of atrocities, or acts of discrimination. At almost each stage in the girl’s life, statistical evidences from different South Asian countries will be presented, as evidences to show the observance of the rules of the conduct in the entire region. This shall cause a transition from how the conduct affects the girl’s life to the life of women in general. But before that, it is important to consider the general beliefs of the people in South Asia, and to understand if it is these beliefs that are the reason behind the existence of this covenant and its effects. It is also important to recognize the zones where this conduct is more effectual and why, and to trace a history of oppression in the region. The history can be considered one of the reasons these people negate the concept of the right of freedom, and choose to oppress women, the gender they consider weak.

South Asia, the land that predominantly is that of the followers of Hinduism, followed by Islam, Sikhism, Buddhism, Christianity and a minute fraction of other religions, is widely known for its residents’ strong affiliation with their religious values. These values are known to majorly influence the beliefs of these people. It is the land of those where Hindus worship goddesses, and where Muslims believe paradise lies beneath the feet of their mothers. The latter is theoretically a way of conveying the message that to obey the mother, is to be able to secure a place for yourself in heaven, which signifies the status of mothers for the Muslim population of this region. Invariably the holy scriptures of all religions followed in South Asia, including Buddhists, Sikhs, Christians and others, preach equality, or at least speak for the rights of women. South Asians claim in all sorts of ways that they are highly devoted to their religions. But these devotees are only devoted to certain parts of their religions. The parts that speak for the rights of women are mostly the ones they completely disregard. Their beliefs guide them to respect women or even treat them as equals; their actions as stated later, are in complete opposition to these beliefs.

It would be wrong to say that every South Asian woman is highly suppressed, but it wouldn’t be wrong to say a great deal of women belonging to this part of the continent, still face major forms of oppression. Most of these women belong to the rural areas of these countries, while many parts of the conduct apply to those living in the urban areas too. The code is enforced more strictly in impoverished regions where insufficient educational facilities make it easier to overpower women who are unaware of their rights. These nations, former British colonies (apart from Nepal and Bhutan), are now free from slavery, but have inherited the desire to rule from their former rulers. This desire amongst men (who have formerly served as slaves), is why they overpower those that they consider weak in comparison to themselves, women, and follow the system of patriarchy. Here the role of women is defined within such definite boundaries that it is impossible for these women to cross over them.

The moment a girl is born in South Asia, the first decision regarding her life is made. The decision about whether she shall be permitted to even live or not. Yes, this conduct doesn’t only guide a female how to lead her life; it also guides her about whether she even has the right to live. This forms the first part of the commands that state: others should make decisions for her at every step of her life, she is not empowered enough to make them on her own. It also forms the first impact she may encounter, the first atrocity she may face, as a result of that first decision made. With reference to this decision, it may also be the last atrocity she will ever face. A baby girl, of course, cannot make the choice to live or not, but then again this act signifies how the fate of these women lies in the hands of others. In India, the most populous country of the region, the figures of female infanticide are alarming. Dean Nelson, a respected editor and journalist notes in a 2012 Telegraph article that, “India is the most dangerous place in the world to be born a girl, with females almost twice as likely to die before reaching the age of five, according to the new UN figures (Nelson)”. Some more figures about female infanticide, obtained from The Lancet (one of the oldest and widely known U.K. based medical journals founded in 1823), BBC (a widely acclaimed news channel) and UNICEF are stated below.

The Lancet estimates that 500,000 female foetuses are aborted in India every year. As a result according to the BBC, “an estimated 25-50 million women in India are ‘missing’, if you compare the proportion of women in the population with other countries.” Staggeringly, UNICEF believes 10 million girls, were killed by their parents in the last thirty years (Peebles).

Graham Peebles, the author of this article, is a journalist who works at the Counterpunch, a bi-monthly political magazine published in the U.S. He is also the founder of Create Trust that works for the education of women and children. The figures Peebles states here are indeed ones that don’t shock anyone who has been familiar with the history of genocide in the country, and is likely to believe that our hypothetical girl can become a victim of the same situation. But that doesn’t shun the fact that despite all the efforts made by the government, international organizations and human’s right activists, the issue is still at a stage where it certainly cannot be ignored.

If the girl survives, life onwards is not a bed of roses just because she was not chosen to be murdered. The decision regarding her existence in this world was only the first part of the conduct. Fortunately if she clears the first stage without ending up in a grave, her life is itself destined to become hell. Escaped death? Great! Now the girl will be handed over to her mother, who will hover upon her throughout her life, monitor each of her actions and strictly ensure they abide by the covenant. It’s her responsibility to do so, the code orders her to. This is the worst part of this “unnamed code”, the fact that the guardians it has are majorly women themselves, beginning with the girl’s mother. According to its rules, it is the responsibility of women themselves to ensure that all other females abide by it.

If the girl is lucky enough to have a sibling of the opposite gender, she is “blessed” with the opportunity to face discrimination right from the start. Even if she doesn’t have one, she still faces the same circumstances; the existence of a male sibling just makes it easier for her to engulf this feeling of inferiority. The rules strictly dictate some gender roles and limitations; she like every other female should conform to them. Discrimination of course comes as a side effect, but who is concerned about that? No one. From the food she is fed, to the clothes she wears, and even the toys she plays with, she will always receive the thing that is inferior to what her sibling receives. She is made to understand gender roles even when she barely understands the definition of gender itself. She is a girl, she is to play with dolls, and sometimes she is too only play the games where she cooks, washes and irons, things girls are “supposed” to do. She is to listen to the commands defined by her brother, even within the game. She cannot take charge, it is against the rules. At an age where she merely understands she is different from her brother, she is constantly treated differently. Her brother is allowed to play outside, but for her it is important to remain hidden, to stay indoors. For her to ever step outside her house, it is vital for her to be guarded by her brother, mother or father, and in the later stage of her life, her husband. Without them she shouldn’t even think of stepping out alone. God forbid if she ever complains, her mother tells her to lower her voice, her father shouldn’t hear her “rant for equal treatment”. There you go; her mother has successfully made her pass through the first stage of her life, ensuring she doesn’t go against the commands. Notice how the girl is still too young to even understand the meaning of the word “conduct” itself.

The girl is now growing up; her elder brother has already been admitted to school. But the girl? No, she is to grow up to become a housewife and to raise kids. Why does she even need education? She needs to learn to run the house, and nothing more. That is what the code states is necessary for her, and it is enough. According to a report by the non-profit organization Alif Ailaan Foundation Pakistan, that was founded in 2013, and is working for the educational cause in the country, girls constitute for 55% of the total “out-of-school-children” in the country. Out of this value of 55%, 34% account for the category of girls not permitted to attend school by their own parents based on their willingness (Naz). Of all the other reasons presented as hindrances in the report, it should be noticed here how the matters such as of education being expensive, or the schools being too far, are considered more problematic for the girl, than for a boy. These are the same reasons that are stated when the girl questions this rule of “education not being important for females” for being a part of the code. A major percentage of girls are left with no opportunity to receive education. Another job well done by the parents at taming their girl to only stick to her role in the household, most importantly the mother. Her mother may have not received education herself, and be fully aware of the difference it has made in her life, yet she doesn’t choose to support her daughter. That’s the spirit of women; they fall in ditches and stay silent when they witness another woman tracing her steps to fall down in another one, together they all stick to the conduct.

Now if the girl went to school, she at least got one of her rights. And if she didn’t, then very well, she was stripped off by that one opportunity too. Either way, as the girl grows up she will be told to perform household chores as a part of her training to become a housewife. Her mother ensures she turns out to be the girl that is a source of “pride” for the family. Yes, apparently the mother here takes pride in chaining her daughter with gender roles, rather than empowering her enough to stand up for herself. Failure at complying with the code means, being constantly reminded by her mother that she isn’t “marriage material”, something the rules define as a female’s ultimate goal. Here it is important to understand that guiding the girl to learn these skills isn’t wrong, but the discrimination that indicates how these activities are only believed to be for the girl is. At a later stage in life where the girl’s brother will be allowed to work, she is to still restrict herself to household chores. According to the international financial institution World Bank’s statistics for female labor force participation rate for 181 countries in 2014, Afghanistan ranks 176 and also technically the last in its region with a rate of only 15.9% (Female Labor Force Participation - Country Rankings). This value is understandable as the estimated literacy rates gathered by the U.S government institution CIA in 2015 state Afghanistan’s literacy rate for women to be 24.2% (The World Factbook). The differences between the two values explain how despite receiving education, women like our theoretical girl are majorly forced to stay indoors and run households. Their responsibility towards the code is deemed more important than their freedom.

The next issue the girl may face in the form of rules of the code is child marriage. The rules prescribe that females should be married off as soon as possible. Some consider this “soon” aspect of the rule to be important to such an extent that they even go for child marriages. According to a 118 page report by the international NGO Human Rights Watch, “Nepal has the third-highest rate of child marriage in Asia, with 37 percent of girls marrying before age 18, and 10 percent before 15, though the minimum age of marriage for both women and men is 20 under Nepali law (Nepal: Child Marriage Threatens Girls’ Futures)”.

With marriage, child marriage is not the only issue the girl is likely face that can trace its roots to the conduct. Nepal along with all the other countries in this region faces a major issue called dowry. Dowry, the act of giving the daughter cash or other belongings in the form of gifts, was initially one that was offered to the bride-to-be by her parents, by choice, but with time this has become a demand of both the groom and his family. Dowry has become a part of the code too. This rule is not directly followed by the girl. But it is her job to remain silent, to not complain, even about any atrocity. She lets her parents spend all their earnings on this marriage. Saying a word against it may just lead to the marriage being cancelled, and then no one shall choose to marry her. Dowry is the price she has to pay in order to acquire marital status, the price her parents pay the price to get “rid” of their daughter. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that this matter can be related to the act of selling girls into marriage. Roshan Kumar and Barkha Jha, two human rights lawyers in their article published in The Rising Nepal (a local Nepali newspaper) state: “Firstly, the marriage arrangements and then the demand for huge amounts of dowry make the parents financially very weak. Because of the dowry system, people do not want to have a baby girl in the southern part of Nepal (Jha)”. Despite dowry being declared illegal in the country and in most of the others in the region, the matter still persists. Dowry is idealized as a form of the girl representing herself as willing to look after her future family.

Silence and blindness towards what is wrong are the keys to conform to this conduct. Before this marriage takes place, it is customary for the groom and his family to visit the girl’s house. What the bride-to-be goes through at this stage of her life is a perfect example of the rule that states that women have to conform to a certain ideal standard. It is customary for the girl to enter the lounge with a tray laden with all sorts of delicious snacks. The mother specifically mentions that these were all cooked by her daughter, in order for her to seem as the perfect chef for the new household, exactly what the code defines as her role. The groom and his family feast upon the food, while they judgmentally stare at her in order to evaluate if she is marriage material or not. She will be judged upon everything, from her looks to her speech, to her culinary skills, and her adeptness at performing other household tasks. She is to remain silent and only reply to any questions. Speaking up other than that is against the rules. She is to look down at her hands that rest in her lap. The part of her clothing that covers her head should not slip. She is not allowed to move much more than a robot that requires commands, the more robotic the daughter seems, the more cultured she is believed to be. The more obedient she looks, and the more traditional her values seem, specially based on her attire and skills, the more staunch follower of the “unnamed code” and “housewife material” she seems to be. Even after all that she does, the groom and his family are free to reject her. Rejection in itself is a cause of defamation for the family. It is something the girl and her mother both fear. The mother fears it for it will embarrass her in front of her husband for not raising her daughter in accordance with the code. For the girl it means to face abuse at the hands of her mother too, since she failed to abide by the conduct, and thus was rejected.

If the marriage doesn’t take place, the girl is left to live in her parent’s house for a few more months or years. Here again the girl’s mother will resume her efforts of forcing her daughter to adapt the ways of the code. She will be lectured about how she sits, if she works then about her job, the friends she has, how she dresses, how she carries herself, how loud she speaks, how she speaks and even how much she speaks. If she’s dark-skinned, she is forced to apply all sorts of allopathic and homeopathic face packs, creams and lotions on her face, anything that makes her seem fairer. Sri Lanka like all the other countries in this region is greatly obsessed with the idea of fairness, the girl becomes a victim of this obsession. Navodinee Wickramanayake, a youth correspondent at the UNDP in Sri Lanka, in her article published in Roar (a youth led media platform) states: “There is a gross underrepresentation of darker skinned individuals in popular culture in Sri Lanka. Even in instances where these individuals are of a darker skin tone, there is often extensive photoshopping and editing carried out to “fix” this (Wickramanayake)”. If the girl is healthy she will be guided to starve herself to attain the perfect attractive figure. Her mother will try every tactic to ensure her daughter fully conforms by the ideal standards of beauty, as dictated by the code. The conduct is her key to marriage and acceptance in the society.

A female is to be silent even when she is being targeted, that has been stated earlier too. This is a decree the girl’s mother constantly reminds her of. The result of this silence takes its worst shape when the girl is told to remain silent even when she is being harassed; our hypothetical girl is likely to face such a situation too. Stop Street Harassment (a non-profit organization) states, “The Bangladesh Bureau of Statistics (a government institution) and United Nations Population Fund (a UN organization) surveyed 12,600 women across the country in 2014 and most said they regularly face sexual harassment in their daily lives. About 43% said public spaces were the spot where they experienced it the most (Stop Street Harassment)”. The authority that these rules provide to men to choose to treat women as they wish, dictates women to conform to the idea that men are superior in comparison to them. These atrocities against females like our theoretical girl include those as severe as acid attacks and rape cases. Facing sexual harassment is not the only problem they face; they are forced to stay silent on the matter, due to the idea that speaking up this will only bring “bad name” and “shame” to the girl and her family. This evolves from the idea that when the attacker has no other explanation for his act, he raises allegations on the female’s character. In a region like South Asia where women’s honour is considered a big issue, silence is observed, even over atrocities, in order to protect the female’s dignity. If our hypothetical girl encounters a similar situation, she will be instructed to remain silent too. Jane Merrick a respected columnist in her article published in The Independent states, “The Maldivian government's own figures show that one in three women between the ages of 15 and 49 have suffered physical or sexual abuse over the past five years (Merrick)”.

The marriage may have not taken place earlier, but the parents of the girl don’t let this situation last long, since the rules dictate them to marry her off soon. Once the girl is married the abuse doesn’t end, it amplifies. The role her mother had in her own household, to constantly remind the girl that she is the one who needs to remain silent and practice patience, is now taken up by her mother-in-law. The mother-in-law along with other women of the society have such strong believes about the limitations of the girl and the treatment she deserves for stepping out of the limits of the conduct, that they forcefully do not let her cross those boundaries. Sarawati Sundas, a freelance journalist for the Thomson Reuters Foundation (a U.S. registered charity foundation) and World Is One News states, “A survey from Bhutan's National Statistics Bureau revealed that 68 percent of Bhutanese women believe a man is justified in beating his wife if she neglects the children, argues with her husband, refuses sex or burns the dinner (Sundas)”. This is an evidence of the obscure beliefs of women themselves, who in accordance with the code ensure no other female violates it. These beliefs are the reason many women in Bhutan constantly become the victim of domestic violence, such as Sonam mentioned below, a woman whose story Sundas covered in her article. Our theoretical girl is likely to end up in a situation like Sonam too.

Sonam Zangmo endured abuse at the hands of her husband for two years before finally walking out on him after the birth of her daughter." He used to lay his hands on me at every opportunity," said the 28-year-old Bhutanese woman, who is now bringing up her daughter, 6, alone." There were no better options," said Zangmo. "I want my daughter to have a good life." But without drastic changes in attitudes toward women in the tiny Himalayan nation wedged between China and India, it is likely her daughter will also suffer domestic abuse (Sundas).

From here onwards the story traces back to the point where the girl (now a married female) is dictated to give birth to a male child. The code dictates that it is a female’s job to provide her husband with someone to carry on his name, and that baby should be a boy. Yes, the code is enforced in pregnancy too. These people do not even consider the fact that she has no authority over her child’s sex. For them the rule is all they are bothered about. If she give’s birth to a female child, the new female baby may become a victim of female infanticide, the details of which have been stated earlier. She, the mother herself, may also face mistreatment for being deemed incapable to give birth to a boy. The freelance photojournalist Gethin Chamberlain, who has exclusive experience regarding covering South Asia (specifically India), quotes hands on experience of the background stories of female infanticide in his article in published in The Guardian. Rekha, whose story is quoted below, is just one of the women whose stories he covered. Our girl is likely to go through a similar circumstance too.

The birth of Rekha's second daughter should have been one of the happiest days of her life. Instead, she lay on the bed of her home on the outskirts of Delhi, the newborn child on the floor, screaming in terror as her mother-in-law poured paraffin over her. This was her punishment, the older woman said, preparing to strike a match: Rekha had failed again to deliver a son and it would be better for everyone if she were dead. (Chamberlain)

Rekha is not the only victim of such an occurring, there are uncountable others, many of these acts go unreported. Here it is important to highlight that female infanticide may not always be initiated by another female, as in the case of Rekha. But the refusal of other women to stand for the unborn or infant girls, and their choice to fulfill their responsibilities towards the conduct, has only made the matter worse. From the birth of the girl to this point, all the matters in between successfully summarize some of the rules and their impacts. The unjust effects don’t end there, but this stage of the girl’s life marks the last time the commands majorly impact her life. The rules of the code listed here and the examples of how it affects the life of women in South Asia, basically constitute for only a small share of the reality. Even in the modern day, life for many women in these regions has not changed much from the extent of these so-called laws imposed upon them. The belief is that these are the customs of the society and so one must abide by them, but the question is who made these customs? False religious references are also quoted in order to overpower women, but the fact is most of the limitations have no religious background at all. The word religion is used in order to create a fear amongst women, so that these religious devotees never rebel.

The “unnamed code” has ruled the lives of these women for centuries, and with the current pace of women empowerment, nothing can be expected to change dramatically, at least not soon. Females threaten each other to abide by these regulations, out of fear as to how males may react, if they hear of any form of disobedience. This ideology in itself is a self-created fear; if all women were to recognize their rights and support each other to attain them, no man could dare to come in their way. But the matter is they do not choose to do so. They feel the pain and yet inflict it upon another woman. Any change relies on that fact if these women denounce the code themselves. For these shackles to break, it is these women who will have to take the first step. Feminism is a widely recognized campaign that helps women defy this code, but the fact that this movement receives backlash from women themselves, explains how much the gender is united in the effort to abolish the code. Without the acceptance of this new ideology by the victims themselves, countless more centuries may pass and nothing shall change.

Works Cited

Chamberlain, Gethin. “Where a baby girl is a mother's awful shame”. the guardian.com 22 November 2008.https://www.theguardian.com/world/2008/nov/23/india-gender. Accessed 11 November 2016.

“Female Labor Force Participation - Country Rankings”. theglobaleconomy.com http://www.theglobaleconomy.com/rankings/Female_labor_force_participation/ Accessed 11 November 2016.

Jha, Roshan Kumar and Barkha Jha. “Dowry System A Curse”. therisingnepal.org http://therisingnepal.org .np/news/12207 Accessed 11 November 2016.

Merrick, Jane. “Britons urged to boycott Maldives over sexist laws”. independent.co.uk 6 July 2013 http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/britons-urged-to-boycott-maldives-over-sexist- laws-8692603.html Accessed 11 November 2016.

Naz, Saman and Firuza Pastakia. “25 Million Broken Promises, The Crisis of Pakistan’s Out-Of-School Children”. Alifailaan.pk https://d3n8a8pro7vhmx.cloudfront.net/alifailaan/pages/540/attachments /original/1415950791/25_million_broken_promises_-_Summary-lowres.pdf?1415950791. Accessed 11 November 2016.

Nelson, Dean. “India 'most dangerous place in world to be born a girl”. thetelegraph.co.uk 01 February. 2012. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/9054429/India-most-dangerous- place-in-world-to-be-born-a-girl.html. Accessed 11 November 2016.

“Nepal: Child Marriage Threatens Girls’ Futures”. hrw.org 8 September 2016. https://www.hrw.org/news /2016/09/08/nepal-child-marriage-threatens-girls-futures. Accessed 11 November 2016.

Peebles, Graham. “The Tragedy of Being a Girl in India”. counterpunch.org 30 January 2015. http://www.counterpunch.org/2015/01/30/the-tragedy-of-being-a-girl-in-india/ Accessed 11 November 2016.

“Statistics – The Prevalence of Street Harassment”. stopstreetharassment.org http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/resources/statistics/statistics-academic-studies/ Accessed 11 November 2016.

Sundas, Sarawati. “Bhutan tackles violence against women for "refusing sex, burning the dinner". newstrust.org 23 March 2016. http://news.trust.org/item/20160323010305-5vbzj/ Accessed 11 November 2016.

“The World Factbook”. cia.gov https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-worldfactbook/fields/2103 .html#136. Accessed 11 November 2016.

Wickramanayake, Navodinee. “It’s High Time Sri Lanka Took On Colourism ‒ And Here’s Why”. roar.lk 12 April 2016 http://roar.lk/lifestyle-arts/high-time-sri-lanka-took-colourism/ Accessed 11 November 2016.

The Veil

If to bear all is your choice,
To cover is mine,
Why does mine rage you,
A choice so benign,
A disguise is dangerous,
Not a veil,
It needs no covering,
To make you go pale,
Concealed motives,
Unrecognizable intentions,
No doubt of intents,
No doubt on the actions,
They are your true enemies,
Not my hair or face I cover,
They can hide and sneak anywhere,
And remain potentially undiscovered,
I don't deny people can use a veil,
To conceal identities and harm,
But tell me don't the unveiled cause mischief,
Why is the veil, the only source of alarm,
Mischiefmongers are individuals,
Their faith is in evil, nothing more,
They disguise them as us,
To shake humanity from the core,
To divide and conquer,
Their motto is,
What part of I'm not like them,
Do you tend to miss,
Followers of the same faith,
And yet actions not alike,
That is difference between people,
A personal choice can spike,
You tell me my choice,
Is a sign of oppression,
Of infringing rights,
It's another form of obsession,
Rape is a crime,
Nudity isn't,
To be forced to cover is,
By choice it isn't,
We have our beliefs,
You live with yours and I shall live with mine,
Of a free world,
There could be no better sign,
Those who harm you,
Harm me too,
Because humanity isn't about,
Alone me and you,
I shall condemn the criminals,
Because it is my belief,
To care for those,
Who are in grief,
Why does a white man with a beard,
Mean nothing to you,
And a change of skin colour,
Now you wonder his deeper motives too,
To end the mischief I ask,
To fight evil hand in hand,
To overlook our differences,
And together to stand,
But for that to happen,
You have to stop judging me,
And recognize me as one of you,
And not your enemy.

The Little Things

You're pained?
Cry,
Cry your soul out,
But then try,
Try to get yourself together,
Push away all that pushes you back,
Look for what can heal you,
Each time your heart cracks,
Sounds superficial?
Monotonous, impossible and far,
Each time something drags you back,
With it put your smiles at par,
Why let yourself loose,
Why let yourself sink,
You're vulnerable to fall,
You're just on the brink,
But you haven't fallen yet,
You haven't shattered,
That's the beauty of your heart,
Despite being battered,
It still pumps,
And you're still breathing,
Quit looking back at what you've lost,
Quit weeping,
I'm not going to promise you,
A better tomorrow,
Not going to promise a reward,
For each sorrow,
Because in the end,
Your happiness lies in your hand,
See this hourglass,
It's pouring down the sand,
It won't stop for you,
To get back on track,
So quit piling all your troubles,
Push away the stack,
Live in this moment,
Open your eyes to all you own,
Look at all the little things in life,
All the seeds they've sown,
The smiles that ripe from them,
Value each, not so long will they last,
Together they shall keep you contended,
One by one, in this life so vast.

Burning Beauty (Research Paper)

To leave someone scarred for life is to silently torture someone once, but cause them to scream in pain forever. It is to shatter their confidence, leaving them traumatized, in such a devastating state that the damage is internal, external and eternal. They shall spend the rest of their life in this condition. Even if they recover from the shock, they will fail to put together the fragments of their confidence that was shattered with merely one jolt. One jolt that cannot only unnerve them but also shake their whole lives, and sometimes their whole existence. The term “domestic violence” is used to define a wide variety of aggressive or violent acts exhibited within the boundaries of a house. They are centered on two goals, to rage upon the other for personal satisfaction, or to present unacceptability towards a certain thing by exhibiting such attitude. To say any one of these causes is more common would be tough, for it requires in-depth analysis to make any such judgement. But it wouldn’t be wrong to say that out of all the forms this violence takes, including verbal, physical and sexual, there is one in particular which probably has the most devastating effects on the victim, acid attacks. This sort of violence against women cannot be limited by the definition of domestic violence, since many times the victim has no biological relationship with the abuser at all. But here acid attacks shall be discussed as a form of domestic violence only, and domestic violence will be characterized as violence exhibited by any member of the victim’s family, not only the spouse.

A splash of sulfuric acid, nitric acid, hydrochloric acid or any other similar corrosive substance or chemical, on the victim’s face, body or both, is enough to change the victim’s entire life within a moment. The aim of the attack is to of course to either mar, torment or murder the victim. She rejected your proposal? She refused to indulge in an intimate relationship in accordance with your choice? How could she dare to do that? Well then if she can’t be your partner, she definitely doesn’t deserve to be anyone else’s. Burn her! That is precisely how one could sum up the thinking process of most of the attackers in the case of vitriol attacks. This is the type of violence women face both as part of, or outside the category of domestic violence, depending on their relationship with the abuser. In case of marriage proposals, the girl’s own family may be the one victimizing her through an acid attack, because they have been in support of the marriage she has refused. In case of reluctance to indulge in intimate relationships, her own husband may be the abuser, because his wife characterizes his behavior as marital rape, and refuses to be victimized in that sense. Gender inequality and low level of female empowerment is one of the main reasons these women are victimized so easily. These patriarchal societies do not believe women have the right to make choices for themselves.

Vitriolage is not an issue restricted within certain geographical boundaries. But it is true that despite the fact that acid attacks have been reported in numerous nations, South Asia and Africa account for two of the main regions, where the rate at which this crime is committed, has been reported to be higher in comparison to other regions. This is why organizations like ASTI have been working specifically in these areas. The Acid Survivors Trust International (ASTI), a charity organization founded in 2002, aims to end vitriol attacks around the globe. It has been working with partner organizations in six different countries including, Bangladesh, Cambodia, Pakistan, Nepal, Uganda and India. It has also worked with UN agencies and Non-Governmental Organizations, for its cause. Clark, the former senior editor at the PLOS Medicine and the former assistant director at BMJ, in his article published in 2014 quotes, “The Acid Survivors Trust International estimates there are approximately 1,500 acid attacks a year globally. The Acid Survivors Foundation reported about 300 attacks per year in Bangladesh and declining, but in India, Cambodia, Pakistan, parts of Africa, the Middle East, and South America, they are understood to be increasing (Clark).” The staggering figures in these areas are self-explanatory. These patriarchal societies, which are far behind the world according to educational standards, have failed to acknowledge the rights of a woman. The lack of educational opportunities can be considered a reason for such animalistic behavior exhibited by the males in these regions, and the reluctance of women to stand up for themselves despite being constantly targeted.

Sometimes failure to abide by religious or cultural customs is also presented as an excuse by abusers to carry out such attacks. It would be wrong to say that the attacks are initiated by religious values, but it wouldn’t be wrong to say that many times the abuser attacks the victim because the victim refuses to comply with certain regulations. It is to be noted that even in such cases where the victim is guilty for not complying with religious rules, there is no religious evidence found in support of such an attack being carried out on the victim. The abuser may have issues with the victim’s beliefs, but is certainly not permitted by the religion to carry out a vitriol attack. In most cases, the reason is described as not obeying religious norms, but in the background those customs that the abuser expects the victim to abide by are more culturally rather than religiously initiated. In countries like Pakistan, the state government has based its law on religious values. Sexual activities out of wedlock are considered a sin, and a woman has a choice in marriage but cannot marry without the presence of her father, unless he has died or is not in the mental condition to make any decision. People often exploit these rules. In the first case, they falsely accuse women of characterlessness. Even in cases where the woman may be found to be guilty of having a sexual relationship despite being unmarried or having an extramarital relationship, this is not the prescribed method of punishment according to religious standards. In the second case, even though the religion itself asks for the bride-to-be’s consent, most of the families choose not to consult the bride-to-be in the decision about her marriage. This decision to not consult her has nothing to do with religious customs; rather it is solely dependent on man-made cultural customs. This act of not consulting the bride-to-be, can end up in the bride choosing to elope. But then again whatever the reason may be, the family chooses to punish the girl, in their own self-proclaimed ways. The country’s law defines honor killings as murder and thus prohibits them, which is why many resort to vitriolage too. Sometimes the acid used is so corrosive that even if the intention was to only cause damage to the victim, the damage ends up being so severe that the victim cannot survive.

Apart from these intentions, there are many others that instigate these attackers to victimize and terrorize women. Dowry, which traditionally was a form of a gift that the parents of the bride-to-be presented to their daughter and her future family, has now become sort of a compulsion for the bride’s family to pay to their daughter’s in-laws. In many cases, giving dowry is a condition for the marriage to take place, or giving it makes the girl more liable to get married. Insufficient or delayed payment of dowry is a main reason why many women become victims of domestic violence post-marriage. Acid throwing is one form of this violence. Swapna’s case below from Karnataka, India is just one example of such an occurrence.

Swapna, a bus driver’s eldest daughter, married her father’s co-worker at age 19. For dowry, Swapna and her family gave her husband Rs. 40,000 ($850 USD) and some gold, but her husband asked for more. Her parents were unable to fulfil the dowry demands. Swapna’s husband and mother-in-law began abusing Swapna, and on one occasion placed hot irons on the palms of her hands. One night, Swapna’s husband fed her sleeping pills, and after she fell asleep he poured acid on her. She was able to protect her face from the acid, but she suffered burns on her chest and stomach (Ertürk).”

Even though rape cannot be defined as a direct cause of acid attacks, in certain cases it may become one. In many rape cases the rapists choose to torture the victim even after sexually assaulting them. Acid attack is one of the torture techniques these abusers use. Rape as it is most commonly discussed is considered a part of non-domestic violence. To talk of rape as a cause of vitriol attacks where acid attacks are being discussed as a form of domestic violence, may not make sense to one initially, but it is important to note that rape can be characterized as domestic violence too. Land and property disputes are a reason for acid attacks too. But in the case of women it is highly uncommon that a case be reported for such a reason, since in these patriarchal societies most of the women are denied of their property rights. In some cases the cause of this horrendous behavior has also been explained as retaliation for the act of a girl going to school. Failure to obey the commands of a drunken husband is yet another example.

No matter what the reason, abuse itself cannot be justified, but in the case of acid attacks, undeniably highly unacceptable. It is an extreme form of abuse with effects that are not only highly devastating, but also majorly irreversible. The pain these victims go through when corrosive substances are spilled upon them is in itself an extreme form of torture that cannot be defined in words. The disfigured faces, burnt tissues, exposed and dissolved bones, explain for themselves that the act is above all forms of torture. Many of these women belong to households below the poverty line and cannot even afford the required treatment. Even if they can, no treatment can enable them to be the person they were before this incident, both physically and mentally. In many cases the damages are so severe that they can hamper bodily functions or even the seven senses. Blindness, breathing problems, deafness and inability to be able to communicate properly are amongst the many effects of acid attacks. Many victims cannot escape the trauma of what has happened. For others the trauma itself shatters their confidence to a level that they are not ready to face the outside world; additionally the medically treated but still majorly disfigured bodies cause them to fear the questionable looks that may fall upon them. For many the fear of being targeted or being victimized again also chases them, as in many cases the abuser is either not caught or is set free due to lack of evidence against him. The worst of these effects is the psychological depression they go through. Even though all victims of acid attacks face depression, at least to some extent, for some it’s way worse. This usually happens in cases where the victim is forced to live with the abuser again (if he is set free) or his family, due to the fact that many of these women are not independent enough to earn a living of their own. They are dependent on their family (in case of an unmarried girl her own family or in the case of a married woman her in-laws and husband). One of the worst effects of this whole matter is the deadly combination of depression and isolation. If the society doesn’t choose to completely abandon the victims, it chooses to slowly distance from them at a time when they are in need of care and attention. The victims end up in seclusion, and the trauma of what has happened to them already eats up what little confidence, they had to cope with the whole situation. This situation completely tarnishes any possibilities for the victim to be able to recover, or at least recover fast.

As mentioned before, organizations like ASTI are playing a key role in helping and aiding both the current victims of acid attacks and those that have been attacked before. They not only provide medical treatment but psychological help and shelter for the victims too. Namely organizations like Chhanv in India and social workers like Mussarat Misbah in Pakistan, have been working in order to assist these victims, help them recover from the shock, and also support them as they step into a new life by providing them job opportunities. The efforts of such organizations have indeed led to positive results in helping the survivors. The excerpt from an article published in gov.uk quotes the experience of one such survivor in Bangladesh, and how she has not only recovered from her trauma, but now is also helping to raise awareness about acid attacks. After being unable to receive the right treatment because of resource constraints at a government hospital, ASF came to Hasina’s rescue providing two months post-operative nursing care for free. Sadly her ordeal did not end there - even the best treatment couldn’t remove all trace of the acid attack. On returning home she discovered the social stigma of being disfigured. Once again she found support from ASF… Hasina’s interest in joining the legal unit of ASF as an intern helped her take back control of her life and seek justice. Hasina has participated in many awareness raising campaigns arranged by the ASF and these lobby efforts by the foundation have encouraged the Government of Bangladesh to introduce into law the District Acid Control Committees (DACC) and the National Acid Control Council (NACC). The NACC and DACC control acid crimes by mandating stringent punishment ranging from between three to 15 years imprisonment and a hefty fine, life imprisonment to a maximum statement of death penalty. The Bangladeshi social welfare department along with ASF is working together to address acid attacks and bring the number of incidents to a halt. (Department for International Development and DFID Bangladesh)

It is tough to say that the issue can be eradicated as a whole altogether, but with the support of such organizations and the government the issue can indeed be tackled, and the victims can receive support. Human Rights Organizations and NGO’s around the world are stressing upon the need for stronger legislation. Due to these efforts progress has already been made, “Lower House of Parliament in Pakistan unanimously passed the Acid Control and Acid Crime Prevention Bill On May 10, 2011. As punishment, according to the bill individuals held responsible for acid throwing face harsh fines and life in prison (Stop Acid Attacks).

As stated before, the fact that most of these cases occur in the rural areas where educational facilities are poor, and women empowerment scale is low, it is important that we concentrate on these factors too. It is important for us to educate both young boys and girls about the effects of acid throwing on the victim’s life. Awareness about these effects may not only lead to boys understanding that masculinity does not lie within overpowering women, but also will help girls learn how to protect themselves. Girls need to be educated to stand up for themselves. They need to understand that the more subservient one appears to be, the more people will try to trample you. It is important to teach girls that they are not anyone’s possession, and that they are not objects of pleasure, which do not have the power to refuse if they do not wish to be indulged in such activities. Dowry itself is a crime and it is important for girls to understand that they should not let themselves be victimized for not committing a crime. Girl’s need to be taught to be independent, so that if they face victimization they can stand up for their rights, rather than being bothered about being dependent on the abuser. They need to realize that as future mothers-to-be it is important that they teach their own sons to respect women too.

With such steps we cannot only both protect the victim, but also punish the abuser. The statistics of acid attacks are still quite alarming, and it is important that abundant and constant efforts are made in order to deal with this issue. The most basic step we can take is to understand the brutality of this act and spread awareness about it on a personal level too. It is important that we understand that a victim’s life doesn’t end after they are victimized. Just because we could not save them, it does not mean we do not help them further. The real challenge is to help these victims become successful survivors. It is time we understand our role as an individual in this process. A major part of the post attack trauma is the sort of treatment these victims receive from those around them. It is important that we understand the sensitivity of the situation, and deal with these victims accordingly. We cannot vow to change the entire matter overnight. But at least if we vow to make an effort intended to not let another woman face what Swapna faced, and facilitate every other victim like Hasina in their battle post the attack, we can bring about a positive change.

Works Cited

Clark, Jocalyn. “Acid Violence – A Most Horrific Form of Denigration of Women”. PLOSBlog.org. 22 April 2014 http://blogs.plos.org/speakingofmedicine/2014/04/22/acid-violence-horrific-form-denigration-women/. Accessed 11 October 2016

Department for International Development and DFID Bangladesh. “Case Study From Acid Victim To Activist: Hasina's Courageous Journey”. gov.uk. 22 March 2013. https://www.gov.uk/ government/case-studies/from-acid-victim-to-activist-hasinas-courageous-journey. Accessed 11 October 2016

Ertürk, Yakin. “Combating Acid Violence In Bangladesh, India, And Cambodia”. Avon Global Center for Women and Justice at Cornell Law School, the Committee on International Human Rights of the New York City Bar Association, the Cornell Law School International Human Rights Clinic, and the Virtue Foundation.http://www2.ohchr.org/english/bodies/cedaw/docs/cedaw_crc_contributions /AvonGlobalCenterforWomenandJustice.pdf. Accessed 11 October 2016

Stop Acid Attacks. “Reports”. stopacidattacks.org. 05 March 2013. http://www.stopacidattacks.org/ 2013/ 03/ reports.html. Accessed 11 October 2016

Just a 20 Year Old Muslim Girl

There is nothing more hilarious than a believer of another faith standing right in the face of a Muslim woman telling her that her religion promotes oppression of women and violence, when she's not oppressed and is isn't violent herself.
I'm a Muslim woman and I'm not oppressed, I'm standing right in front of you 7000+ miles away from my country. My parents didn't cage, and they're Muslims too.
I'm a Muslim woman and I'm definitely not violent. I didn't hurt you, while you definitely are hurting me with your judgemental approach.
I'm a Muslim woman and I don't do the Hijab. That is my choice and believe me I have great respect for the women who do it.
I don't deny somewhere around the globe women are forced to do the Hijab, forcing them is wrong. But forcing them is not a religious obligation, people do that by choice. That choice to force women is extreme, my religion never set oppression of women as a choice, it's an extreme step that people take by personal choice.
I'm a Muslim and I don't deny Muslims can't be wrong, but that doesn't mean my faith taught them to be so.
Meet a Muslim before you judge us.
Saudi Arabia is not a representative of my religion, in fact no country or no human being is.
We're all humans and we are vulnerable to commit sins or harm others, irrespective of our faiths.
My actions are my choices, not everything I do is dependent on my religious teachings and beliefs.
My religion forbids alcohol, do Muslims not drink?
Yes they do, they go against their religion.
Jihad is a holy war, only fought in severe circumstances for one's rights and against oppressive forces.
Stop using it as a tool to say my religion is violent.
"There is no compulsion in religion."
That is what my religion says about religious freedom, stop saying we will ever force you to convert to our religion.
It is my religious obligation to invite you, we are not allowed to force you.
To invite is to let you learn about my religion, if you wish to. It is not to force you to accept it.
If someone does, they are wrong.
ISIS, Al-Qaeda, Taliban — are not Islam.
They may claim to be Muslim but they are not Islam.
Before commenting on my religion, read what we believe. Read the Quran. And don't read one verse in isolation, read the book extensively. Anything viewed in isolation can have the most unjust interpretations.
You were nice to me as long as you didn't know my name, my name told you a Muslim and you let those unjust generalizations tell you I was a threat to you.
I'm just a 20 year old girl learning and exploring life. I have beliefs that may contradict yours, but I'll never enforce mine upon you.

Rethink 0010

"Lower your gaze and guard your modesty."
It goes for both men and women, no gender stated.
Stop using this rule only for women.
There's no point covering gold with a cloth & then placing it out to be robbed.
If you tell her to cover up, tell him to not eve tease.

Educational Conformity (Research Paper)

From the day the first man appeared on the surface of the earth to date, man has constantly been learning something. From the act of merely learning how to ignite fire to the most complex sort of education that is taught today, the concept of education has constantly evolved with how mankind has evolved itself. From relying on self-taught skills to now being admitted to a school as an essential part of life, our concept of what it means to learn has transformed so much that even the goal behind receiving education, is in reality very far from what it ever was. As it is often attributed to Sir Francis Bacon, a widely acclaimed English philosopher, jurist, orator, scientist and author of his time, “Knowledge is power”. It wouldn’t be wrong to say it is this recognition of knowledge that has caused the decision makers of nations worldwide to hamper its provision, in ways that secretly prevent this transfer of power to truly be effectual. Educational conformity is indeed a global issue which requires attention at a global level, if we wish this world to progress, flourish and thrive. Without educational conformity it is impossible for us to put an end to the forms of divide in our societies that only cause localized and limited progress.

These rulers have destined the fates of many, by simply constantly defining where precisely conformity was essential in the field of education. Using various reforms what they define as means of bringing uniformity in education, these people have fulfilled deeper motives aimed at incrementing the divide between the receivers of this education. In a world where greater understanding amongst people may have limited their chances of fulfilling these aims directly, such indirect methods have left people with the perception that these acts will benefit them ‘all’. Over the years based on these actions education itself has reached new heights, but in ways that have in reality all been a part of their manipulative tactics to fool the public into believing justice is being done for ‘all’.

Education as it is most commonly known today, is received beginning with the act of being admitted to school merely around the age of three or four. From here onwards begins an endless journey where each individual is crammed up with a great deal of information until he is finally capable of being called an adult, who can survive on his own in this world and make a living of his own. But here again the type and amount of education you receive is based on certain standards. Financial status of course has always been one of the biggest definers of this divide, and a determinant of which category you fall into. From the divide caused by affordability, and the perception of acquiring education being considered a privilege for the rich as a form of luxury, we moved onto a stage in history where it seemed as if education was only necessary for being able to earn a living. The world witnessed a new form of divide amongst them in the field of education. Unlike before where only limited number of people received education, here everyone did, but the amount and type of education they received was limited by new boundaries – need. Here the privileged class received education in institutions called schools, while for the underprivileged; vocational schools were formed only to teach them the skills essential for the types of jobs they could qualify for, based on their financial standards.

With time people began to recognize how education made a difference in their lives, the public was awakening from its deep sleep of ignorance. Beginning their campaign of the great need for conformity, these influentials posed educational conformity as a matter of great concern before the public. Here it certainly seemed as if the concerns of the public did most certainly matter to them. Where it was true that the matter did indeed require attention, these influentials brought in conformity in the institutions but in their own way. From here the world witnessed another form of divide where all children were taught the same material in their textbooks, but the products of this education (students) still varied due to other manipulative standards. Virtually education began to receive a form of conformity but deep inside there was always something else, as the famous critical thinker Jean Anyon describes it as “the hidden curriculum” (Anyon 178), on the basis of one of the vast amount of research projects conducted on education, by the professor of educational policy in the Graduate Centre of the City University of New York, Anyon herself. The pedagogy deferred to such an extent that the fact that everyone was fed the same sort of information about various subjects didn’t even matter anymore. The provision of education was ensured to be identical with the social status of those who received it. Children of blue collar families were taught through rote learning methods that made them highly obedient to instructions and commands. As the social status improved the kid was given chances to actually understand what he/she was being taught. The handful of elites were of course at the top of the list for this privilege, they were taught to even question the information that was being fed to them. It was as if the kids were being brought up in these particular classes to be mirror images of their parents, and nothing more. The elite were the decision makers in the society’s structure, and so it was vital for their kids to be taught to do the same. Their span of thinking ‘needed’ to be broadened, while that of the kids from the less fortunate classes were trained to be robots, and follow the instructions of their masters. “Deferring curricular, pedagogical and pupil evaluation practices emphasize different cognitive and behavioural skills in each social setting and thus contribute to the development of certain potential relationships to physical and symbolic capital (Anyon 178).” These words by Anyon based on her close observation of five different elementary schools for almost a year, comprehensively sum up an undeniable fact. This was the first time conformity existed in the world of education, but with its own hidden dark side. A side aimed at amplifying the divide between these different classes of people.

The second time the word conformity took some place in the world of education; it took a rather beneficial position. For decades career goals divided the subjects children chose to study, until recently when the concept of liberal studies took birth. Education began to be recognized once again as a means of learning, and not merely educating one enough to get a job. Subjects that often received little or no attention in the course of studies now became essentials to get into a graduate school for professional studies, or as they are most commonly known – graduation requirements. For many a lack of interest in certain subjects from this list of add-ons, limited them to be defined only in the more common term. But for those that truly took interest in them, their existence and importance as key components began to match the original purpose of education – to enlighten. This form of conformity not only led to a rather uniform form of learning preparing individuals to actually get a job, but also live a life. At this point many may disagree about describing subjects such as arts, music, humanities and social sciences as essentials to spending a normal life. But in the way many others think life is defined, man should not only be aware of what he requires, but also all that which surrounds him. Considered the most superior form of life on earth, it is man that truly rules this planet. For him to settle down in it perfectly, it is vital for him to develop a better sense of understanding. Everything man learns expands his span of thinking and his knowledge. It is this knowledge that has enabled him to be able to transform regular things into ones that benefit him more, or invent many others that never even existed in the first place. Where arts and music may play no other role for him apart from entertainment, it is true that knowledge in these fields has other added benefits rather than just training him on how to lead his life. Exploration of a wide variety of subjects has led to many students discovering their real passions, rather than depending on picking out a career from a handful of those that the world has known since ages. Conformity in the sense of liberal studies has indeed proved to be quite productive and beneficial towards the field of education. But even in America there are various technical schools that you may join if you don’t wish to attend a four years college program, so technically education hasn’t been conformed for all. Many of those who wish to join technical schools may say they cannot afford the four years college program and then a graduate school after that, hence they prefer going to a technical school instead. Here again as mentioned before financial differences have been always a major determinant of what type of education you receive. Discussing the rising financial expenses of education would introduce a whole new topic here, and so it is better not to talk about it much at this very place. But at this point it is important to raise one question. Isn’t it true that we have let those financial standards always exist as determinants of the type of education one receives, so that practically we could never bring uniformity in education? The rich will always be more educated than the poor. If our rulers truly wanted educational conformity they would have looked after the issue of rising financial expenses on education first, and then worked on any other factors that could help bring uniformity in the educational system. Here it is vital to point out that in many countries liberal studies has still not been recognized as a need for all. So talking about educational conformity on a global level, it has still not reached a satisfactory stage, if discussed through the means of liberal studies. On the other hand, around the globe in most places where the need for liberal studies has been noticed, this form of education is only limited to universities or colleges. While in other countries; such as America, courses linked to liberal studies are integrated in the school system even at secondary and high-school levels. It is important to understand that for a student who enters college or a university with a history of not being taught such courses in his previous grades, his acceptability of liberal studies may not be that much in comparison to one who has grown up to understand the importance of liberal studies. Acceptability is a big factor in what you learn. The more you are mentally convinced to learn something, the more you truly pay attention and concentrate on it, rather than just taking it up as a compulsion.

Next these influentials brought in another form of conformity which like its predecessor has helped initiate further differences in the students, our future. This form of conformity can precisely be defined as urging all to fight for being the best. It is a fight to reach a certain standard where one can be declared as a good and a promising student, who deserves the best educational opportunities in his/her future. It has quickly crept into the minds of our children, without them even realizing how it is truly limiting chances for them to strive further. It cannot be denied that performing well in school should be one of the goals of students. It cannot be denied that bringing conformity in students’ progress so that they all excel to their limits, is important. But should it gain so much importance that it tends to become the main goal for many? All our educational careers pre joining college we are taught to excel in such a manner that we can secure admission into some of the best institutions in the country or around the globe. There is no harm in educating our students to be the best, the problem lies in the definition of the fruit of this hard work that they shall be rewarded with. Where does our sense of conformity get lost when we define the variety of educational opportunities available to students? What are you telling a student when you define their performance will determine the type of further education they will receive? You are most certainly not telling them that if they are good at biological science, they can pursue their studies in that field. You are telling them that how well they perform will determine where they will study. The variety in these places of study is based on opportunities, on methods or standards of pedagogy, on the limit of the extent of knowledge provided, on the amount of personal attention or help one receives, based on the fact that if one seems to be a promising student, it is better for you to invest your time in them than another. You limit the definition of a student’s potential by their grades, their scores, their certificates, their achievements. You don’t wish to give them all the opportunities they deserve as someone interested to learn. Your standardized tests, your international examinations, help you tell them which college they deserve to be a part of. Where does educational conformity go when it comes to providing identical opportunities for all those interested to learn? Here you define their potential in your standardized ways and limit their opportunities to learn. Why should one have to travel half way across the country or even the globe to receive a better level of education? If you believed in conformity they would have received the same level of opportunities in their own hometown, where the rest of their folks have studied. “The high stakes obsession of test and punish has only served to widen the gap between the schools in the wealthiest districts and those in the poorest. We must reduce the emphasis on standardized tests that have corrupted the quality of the education children receive. The pressure placed on students and educators is enormous,” says National Education Association’s President Lily Eskelsen Garcia (Walker, neaToday.com). Lily’s statement here is indeed one we all need to ponder upon.

Educational conformity doesn’t lie within bringing uniformity in the curriculum; it lies in the form of pedagogy. If pedagogy wasn’t important we all won’t need to go to schools, the bookstore would be enough to get the books, and a law defining what subjects we were compelled to study would have been enough to ensure we all abide by this rule. Giving us the same textbooks and highlighting the importance of liberal studies have indeed been substantially beneficial on their own part. Encouraging students to compete is also not a negative step, healthy competition is always good. We all crave to be recognized for our efforts, and so it becomes an incentive for us to work hard. The problem lies in the intention of these decision makers who have never really integrated conformity with education in its complete form. We need to integrate conformity in what our students are taught, how they are taught, what opportunities they receive, the attention they receive, the fact that they should all be encouraged to ponder and not just rote learn, the methodologies adopted to make a child understand a certain concept, the chances that a school gives a student in the development of their personality, and practically everything that a school is required to teach or provide to a student. You can differ in schools based on how many luxuries, how many recreational activities they provide, but do not differentiate between the vital components of education for each individual. Conformity in education cannot be achieved until we all work on all these factors at the same time, and altogether. The examples of integration of conformity in education quoted above show you how working individually on one particular aspect may be of some benefit, but we cannot fully reach our goal until progress is made through all aspects together.

Works Cited

Anyon, Jean. "From Social Class and the Hidden Curriculum." Rereading America, edited by Gary Columbo, Robert Cullen and Bonnie Lisle, Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2013. 178.

Walker, Tim. “Poll: Americans Want Less Standardized Testing and More School Funding”. neaToday. 23 August. 2015. www.neatoday.org/2015/08/23/poll-americans-want-less-standardized-testing-and-more-school-funding/. Accessed 29 September 2016.

How to Raise a Girl the Conservative Way

Blogger's note: Before and while reading this do bear in mind that I am not presenting the situation of every girl's life, only what happens with many. Our society has certain issues and it is important that they are addressed but this content in no way projects this story as the custom of the every household. The content below may speak of some values that are affiliated with religion. Do note that the author is most certainly not speaking against these values but how sometimes they are misused by extremists to target girls in highly inappropriate ways, or how sometimes one may not conform to one of these values at a particular instant but there is a logical reason for not being able to do so. I am someone who respects the code of mehrum and na mehrum. But is it justified to judge a girl's character if she is not purely abiding by it? She may be going against a religious value but does anyone have a justification for judging her? No. I am not someone pro the display of skin, but to question a girl for raising her skirt a bit just so she doesn't trip is illogical to me. Cross your legs, sit straight! That is not how ‘good’ girls sit. Lower your voice, girls are not supposed to raise their voice so much. Sit properly and look down, good girls stay silent usually. Don’t go out alone, and don’t tell me your brother can, you’re just a little girl. But mother we’re both the same age. Ssssh! Not another word from your mouth Zara, is that what I have taught you? When your elders say something, they say it because they know better than you. Listen to your elders, don’t argue with them. That makes you seem blunt and rude. Don’t interfere much when guests come over; help me with the dishes in the kitchen. Don’t tell me I let your brother go to sit with the guests; he needs to learn to sit with the big boys. When you’re free come to me, I shall teach you how to sew. Why did you take so much time to come out today? You know your father has to go to work after picking you up from school. But mom I told you not to send him today, I told you I would come back on my own. I had a basketball practice afterschool today. What did you say missy? You will come back on your own. Don’t you dare say that again! Do you not know how ‘cruel’ the outside world is? But mom you let Asim come home alone, you never stop him. Is the world not cruel to him? Yes, the world is not cruel to him, because he is a boy and you are just a girl. I don’t want to hear again about you playing those sports, your brother can, it is not a girl’s thing. Now hurry up and finish your work, you have to help me with preparing the dinner after you are done. A girl should know how to cook good food and keep the house clean. When we’re done cooking you need to see how I iron clothes, you are growing up now; you need to learn to do all these chores. What took you so long to dust off the dirt from the decorations in the lounge? And what is that in your hand, don’t tell me you broke another one of my vases. Girls should be vigilant and not so clumsy. Go clean up yourself; good girls should always be neat and tidy. And why are you holding your skirt up high? Your legs should not be seen. I know mother but I just picked it up a little for walking up the stairs. Don’t argue with me Zara, do as you are told. And it is high time you start wearing a stole, you are growing up and women should cover themselves. But mother my shirt is already so loose! Don’t argue with me young lady, you need to start listening to me more. Now hurry up and go clean your room, and clean your brother’s too. He must be really tired after he comes back from school. Mother can I go to my friend’s birthday? No, you most certainly cannot go out all alone. But mother I am 16 now, and you let Asim stay out till midnight without Dad’ permission. You don’t even scold him for coming home so late. You hide it from Dad that he hasn’t come home yet, you lie to him that Asim is studying in his room. How dare you tell me what to do? Your brother is a boy, do you not understand that. Stop comparing him with yourself! I don’t want to hear any of this nuisance anymore, go up to your room straight away. Cover your head when you step out of the house. Have I not told you allowing you to go out on your own is only a compulsion for me, when neither your father nor I can pick you up. It’s a compulsion and we expect you to listen to us. Look down and walk straight, don’t stop anywhere, or the boys shall chase you. But mother why don’t their mothers tell them it’s wrong to do so. Don’t teach me morals Zara; I can’t reform the entire world as you wish. But mother even Asim eve teases girls, you don’t stop him either. How dare you talk about your brother like that? I don’t want to see you talking like that again. Only two years till you are eighteen! Concentrate more on yourself, like this no-one will marry you. Start losing some weight and here apply this on your face, your skin is tanning way too much. Boys don’t like dark-skinned girls. Only two more years till I am 18, what happens then mother? Is it something so special? Keep quiet young lady, a girl should not question things so much. Sara’s mother was talking about you. She was saying you have started to talk to the boys a lot. You know people will judge your character, good girls don’t talk to boys that much. But mother they are my friends. Do you not have enough female friends young woman? Is this why we put you in a co-education college? We put you there so you could study, and you are busy befriending boys. Focus on completing your education soon. You’re 18 now and your father and I are now starting to worry about your marriage. Come here, cover your head and take this tray in the lounge. Don’t say much, just offer a greeting. Serve them quietly and I’ll be there by then, come sit next to me. But mother who are they; I have never seen them before? They have come here with a marriage proposal; they want you to become their daughter in law. But mother I want to get a job. I want to work on my career. Stop arguing with me young lady and do as you are told, you completed your education, is that not enough for you? Go on now! I don’t want to repeat myself again. Mother it’s only been a few months to my marriage, and my mother-in-law wants me to have a baby soon. She is right, do as she says. Don’t go against her commands, did I not tell you to respect her even more than your own mother. Don’t argue with her like you argue with me. She is not your mother, only I can bear all your rants. Pray that your first child is a son; it will raise your status in the household. And if it is a girl, try for another child before your sister-in-law has a boy. She is younger than you; you must have a boy before her, if you want to be recognized for your status in the house. Mother my husband is having an affair with another woman. When I confronted him he says he is a man and he can do anything he wants. He taunts me that my own brother also had multiple girlfriends. If I say too much he raises his hand. Mother I do everything as you told me to and he is still not happy with me. He searches for happiness in other women. Patience my child, a woman should learn to be patient. Don’t raise your voice or retaliate much, he is your husband, you should listen to him. Learn to bear, a girl should not complain to her mother each time something happens in her new home. Try to bear little things, women are supposed to be patient. Good gracious woman, tell your daughter to sit properly. That is not how ‘good’ girls sit.

Do Not Tell Me Feminists Have Nothing to Fight For

If your sister had to be told not to step out alone out of the house out of fear of the time of the day.
If your sister had to call you everytime she was traveling alone in a cab to tell you about her whereabouts so no-one could attack her.
If your classmate was afraid to take help from a male professor after the entire class left.
If a woman next to you had to press buttons for all the floors on a lift because she had to travel to the top in a lift alone with you.
If a woman on the bus you were traveling in found it awkward to walk through to the back with men standing on both the sides smirking at her.
If the girl who lived next door was chased by a group of young men in broad daylight too.
If your daughter's marriage was dependent on the gifts you gave to her husband and in-laws, in cash or not.
If your female coworker came all bruised each morning.
If your wife had to instruct your daughter to carry a pepperspray in her purse.
Don't tell me feminists have nothing to fight for. They fight for the fears inculcated into women's brains by none other than the opposite gender.
No sane feminists lashes out at men unnecessarily, she only asks you to consider those of her gender to have the right to live a fearless life.

The Light Within You

The light within you is what they seek,
To blow it off is to lock you away,
The shadows only choose to engulf you,
If you choose to let them stay,
Your sparkle is their target,
It's what gives you your strength,
These snatchers seek to dull it,
So down the alleys of depression, you can be sent,
They will chase you the more you run,
From them there is no escape,
Each scream you let out of your mouth,
Will only cause it to get taped,
Sometimes rebellion isn't the best option,
There's one that can truly save you then,
Is to patiently waiting for the moment,
Protect yourself till then,
Don't push them aside, it won't help,
But don't let them creep inside you either,
Don't cry, don't beg for help,
Don't choose to become the pleader,
Face them as how they come,
Look them straight in the eye,
Your will is the only thing you have,
Let it not shatter till you die,
Don't let your heart drift away,
Don't let your brain tell you it's ended,
It isn't until you choose to not breath again,
Until they laugh at your soul that just accended.

Dear People: Please stop calling us 'these terrorists'. There is no such thing.

Inspired by the article of Paul Farhi in the Washington Post I decided to use his idea to discuss something that seriously requires attention. Original article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/dear-readers-please-stop-calling-us-the-media-there-is-no-such-thing/2016/09/23/37972a32-7932-11e6-ac8e-cf8e0dd91dc7_story.html To: Everyone From: Despotic Words Subject: “These terrorists.” ISIS, Al-Qaeda, Taliban - no matter which name you may choose to refer to these people this is how I describe them - enemies of humanity. But you know what's worst of all, how easily anyone who shares a religion with them is called the same. I don't doubt their faith, my God is there to question them upon that. But I surely doubt what they present, because I know this isn't what my religion preaches. Do all criminals have the same faith, belong to the same race or ethnicity? No. They have multiple faiths and multiple racial backgrounds. Then can you blame their faith or their religion to be the reason behind their actions? Has the world ever decided to do that? Then why does it choose to do so when it comes to these terrorists. I don't deny their existence, their actions or the fact that their actions are wrong. But I do deny that what they choose to say is wrong. They do not do this for my religion. They do this for the salvation of their personal desires. They do this for the extreme level of ruthless comfort they receive by torturing people. I don't blame anyone for taking their word, but what shocks me is that no-one chooses to explore the truth in their statement. They say this is Jihad and the world believes it. Astonishing how they've captured the human senses so much that no-one even thinks of how any religion in the world could approve of such a nonsensical approach. Jihad is war, but it is a battle quite different from what they present to you. Jihad according to its first approach is a spiritual war, a war with one's desires and the belief that many of them are wrong and so he must must practice restraint. In the sense of a physical war, it is a form of self-defense to protect the religion and it's followers. But then again it has its own rules that one must abide by - to not harm the sick, the elderly, women, children and the nature. Do you see anyone of these terrorists abide by any of these regulations? No. Then how can you take their word on it that it is Jihad? The wars that took place in the Islamic history all had a reason, whether the religion or it's followers were under threat the wars were only a form of self-defense. For those terrorists who say they are spreading the religion through Jihad, let me specify here that Islam was never spread with the sword. There are uncountable events in the Islamic history that can explain very well that Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) was a man who was known for his patient and forgiving nature. His people can never preach the opposite. To speak of religious propagation let me quote here the event of Taif where Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) himself went to invite the people of the tribe of this region to accept Islam. They not only rejected his message but physically attacked him and his foster son even on their journey back home. At a moment that Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) was bleeding head to toe as described by his foster son, an angel desended from the skies asking for his command that if he wished to punish the people for how they attacked him and he chose to forgive them. That is my Prophet people! As humans we can't even face rejection but he was physically harmed up-to an inhumane level and yet he forgave those who attacked him. Now how can you believe these people when they say they are doing this for Islam when the man who came with the message of this religion to the mankind never practised any such thing himself. I do not know what lies in someone's heart. I am no-one to judge anyone's belief. But yes I can surely tell you if their actions are contradictory to the cardinal beliefs of my religion. Every community has a few criminals, but you cannot blame the whole community to be like them. Judge people irrespective of religious affiliations, judge them for their individual actions. I am a Muslim and I may be very different from another Muslim. We're still both Muslims but that doesn't mean all our individual actions represent our religion, our actions may be quite contradictory both to each other and the religion. What doesn't change is what the religion preaches, and no matter what one may choose to say it definitely doesn't preach inhumanity. These people may say they are fighting Christians or Jews, but my religion says they are your brothers. These people may say they raise the sword to protect the religion, but my religion says raising the sword against the innocent is a crime itself. These people may say they are Muslims and I choose to leave that matter to my God for he knows of what lies in their hearts, but I know what they do if inhumane is surely against the teachings of my religion. My religion was brought by the man who was constantly publicly attacked by a woman of another faith who threw trash on him each day, and yet when one day she didn't do so he went to inquire about her and if she was feeling well. He helped her with her household chores and looked after her till she felt better. A man who even cared for a woman who constantly bothered him, his religion cannot be one that preaches inhumanity, for that man my Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) is the best example of a Muslim. Together we all may be called Muslims, for the religion we chose to associate ourselves with. But for the actions of few you cannot call us all terrorist, just because we share a faith. If someone is lying to you that he's doing this for my religion you cannot accuse me to share the same ideas as him, just because I'm a follower of that religion. His actions contradict my religion. Neither is he right to say he's doing all this for my religion, nor are you right to blame me for my religious identity just because someone falsely associates his actions to my religion. Thanks Despotic Words

Rethink 0009

Your fear is your biggest enemy, not what you aren't prepared to welcome.
We grow, we experience and we evolve, yet it remains one of biggest fears to lose ourselves in this process. We don't, we never lose ourselves.
We face unanticipated and yet predictable circumstances, still we manage to remain firm.
Your fear is the only thing that can distance you from yourself.
Don't let your fear guide you it's impossible to let nothing shake you, if you do you so you only choose to believe change is invincible.
It is this belief that helps you settle with the idea that you can never be yourself again and that time will change the person you are.

The Unwanted Baggage

Stop listening. Simply shut your ears. Don't even give this a second thought. I'm telling you, just stop listening to everything. Literally everything. You're too vulnerable to be forced into being judgemental. Just stop it. Stop yourself from being bothered by what you hear. You might think I'm crazy and I don't mind you thinking so, because at least you're judging me on the basis of something I said myself. You're tuned to judge me for what people say, believe me this is so much more relieving that I'm being judged for something that came out of my own mouth.

Traveling seven seas away from home the worst piece of advice I could listen to, was either what came out of a judgemental person's brain based on his/her inadequate knowledge, or blindly believe in everything the media quoted. Apart from the three bags that I dragged all the way from Islamabad to Kirksville in three days, I had a lot more baggage that came with me and yet it was invisible to you. No I didn't sneak up anything illegal, I just brought along an illiterate form of thought processes. Thought processes that were limited to the extent of mere opinions but were quoted to others as if they were facts. This was the weight that I refused to carry along and yet with no personal preference towards it, it still came along. And believe me no matter which part of the world you belong too and where you are heading to, this baggage will be there as a burden on you each time you travel. All because we have tuned ourselves to being judgemental. We raise no questions. We raise no doubts. We just blindly follow whatever we hear.

Two weeks in this town and I've yet to spot the type of people I'd heard resided in this country. I'm not saying those judgements were complete nonsense or highly irrational, I'm just disagreeing with the degree of exaggeration. And it isn't alone about this place, it's about each place you can ever travel. Stereotypical schools of thought exist everywhere and believe me this is just as much of a taboo than are the social issues you're more concerned about. To most people it's fascinating how I'm a lot different than what they perceived about my country, a far of distant land deserted and desolate. They're in awe of how I can fluently communicate in their language, something they believe uncommon to those that share the colour of my skin. And I'm in awe of how they can be so much for welcoming and generous, than the details I was fed about them.

Did I mention the media before? Oh yes I did! And I know anyone reading this who is even slightly affiliated to the media fraternity, will be critical of the fact that I who speaks against judgemental and stereotypical approaches is judging them all by using the word media here. My apologies for the generalization and I'm not accusing you all of this, but this is quite true that a major section of the media just sells stories. Words like terrorism and racism are a form of spice that they add to their stories. Speak of Pakistan and they will show you the far away northern areas of the country that lack many facilities and are probably the residing zones of a lot more conservative people. To an American sitting in the opposite part of the world, Pakistan is a place that's basically not even underdeveloped but rather not developed at all, he isn't to be blamed it's what the media chooses to educate him about. Now let's switch roles here. Let's speak of the Pakistani sitting in front of a television set or reading a newspaper. To him America would seem as a land of racists. To him a trip to the States would mean being judged for his brown skin at the corner of every other road, being called a Paki or even being questioned for what he's doing in their 'American Land'. Two weeks I tell you, two weeks here and I've not found anyone giving me that judgemental stare. I've spotted smiling happy faces greeting you each way you go. And as far as only having half knowledge is concerned, yes that is true. Our knowledge is so limited that we're not in the position to judge anyone and yet we choose to do so.

So next time you someone tells you something of this sort, honestly if you can't control yourself enough to not letting their opinion formulate yours, just shut your ears. Just stop listening.

A Letter to Myself

When was the last time you weren’t asinine enough to let gibberish opinions guide you how to lead your life? When was the last time you didn’t let someone incriminate you for not living up to their beliefs and expectations? When was the last time you strengthened your own belief in yourself rather than demanding others to do so? Each day for us on this planet of 7.4 billion scathing, disparaging and overcritical individuals is no less than a challenge itself. Than why do we let them creep into our lives even more? Aren’t their hasty comments, piercing looks and judgmental stares enough already? Why is it that after bearing all this silent defiance against probably everything we do, we allow them to be aware of the fact that we are affected by their words? To listen to further nescient guidelines for a matter that has nothing to do with them? Your life is yours and you are not bound to meet the demands of any benchmarks set by others. Of course closing your eyes to something evidently beneficial and refusing to listen to someone’s opinion that might just be of use is not advisable either. But there’s a limit to that and that limit should not be crossed by either sides, the one dictating and the one welcoming this dictation. Keep your eyes and ears open and let yourself learn from the experiences of other, appreciate receiving suggestions, but leave the last bit to yourself. Don’t empower anyone so much that they influence your decisions, you will later only regret the paths not taken only because they were opposed by others. Set goals as you wish and then strive till all limits to achieve them. If you stumble, fall or completely fail, just get back up again. Get back on the battlefield of your life and this time try even harder. Stop feeling ashamed or considering yourself answerable to anyone for your loss. You tried and nothing beats that. You aren’t bound to win each battle and this definitely isn’t the last. Learn to become reticent about the results, your failure may just but you in a more liable to be questioned position by them and sometimes your success may not even please them much. And if you consider them the antagonists in your life, then believe me your tears are their strength and your smiles the source of them being encouraged to set their goals. You can’t answer every question raised upon your life; just learn to walk away from them without expressing any emotion at all. Rise, flourish and prosper, not for anyone else but your own self. Those who care for you will always be there and you know who they are, let them be the only ones capable enough to have a say in what you do.

An Open Letter to the Dreamy Girl

Oh dreamy girl!
Quit dreaming about the hunk you saw on a magazine and imagining one like him is all you deserve.
Oh dreamy girl!
I'm not saying it isn't possible, but why is it's his type all you admire?
You talk about body positivity and how your complexion isn't a scale of your beauty, because all women are beautiful in their own way.
You speak of the number on the scale not being worthy enough to force you to go skinny to be declared pretty, because all women are pretty irregardless of their weight.
You believe height, size, figure and the other features should not be used to judge you, because beauty comes from within.
Than dreamy girl why is that all your dreams revolve around the image of a macho muscleman who looks no less than the movie stars or singers you fangirl over?
Why is it so that you believe that the body and the looks matter more than your dream guy being the gentleman who respects you for who you are and loves you alone?
Don't go on telling me you expect your hunk to be a gentleman too. I'm not saying that's not possible but why do you chase perfection when you expect me to not do the same?
Why does the length of my beard bother you so much when you choose to worship your own bodyhair?
Why does my haircut not please you when you can choose to style yours as you wish?
Why does having abs make me a man when for you the curves are not more important than the one set on your face?
I'm not saying I'm right or you're wrong. I'm just saying everyone is different and that's what makes them unique. If you believe in this for yourself, then why not for me?
My sense of style could differ from yours and yours could differ from mine. I'm not asking you to appreciate me for what I choose, I'm just asking you to not expect the same from everyone.
For you growing up meant grooming up well, but sometimes you hated the choices made for you. You hated how the rishta aunty's preferences structured the changes in your life. Then what about me? Why is it so that to touch your heart I need to go against my conscience?
If you're discombobulated and disturbed by how judgemental the society is, so am I.
If those of my gender judge yours, then the case is same for the reverse too.
Why is that you set standards for the right guy for you, that all purely materialistic?
And your materialism isn't just confined to directing my path to a gym, a saloon or a garment store, to dress and look like what pleases you. Your materialism crosses those boundaries too.
You question your parents for their decisions about your life and you plead it's your right to fulfill your dreams.
Then why are my dreams lost somewhere down the road of establishing myself well enough to be illegible for marriage?
Can I not dream? Can I not have goals? Goals that aren't all centred around becoming a millionaire. Your will to only choose a guy who's pocket is filled till the top, guides me to do what the world demands, what you demand, not what I want.
If you aren't supposed to be capable of performing all household chores efficiently to be able to get married, why is it so that I need to be capable of materialistically treating you like a princess? Why is the love in my heart not enough to tell you you're my queen?
Why is it so that you oppose jahaiz/dowry but when you look at your potential groom you basically focus on what he earns more than who he is?
You tell me you love your family, and it's tough for you to follow the society's norm of moving out of the place you grew up in to settle down with me. You tell me you want to pay visits to them and you expect me to be like a son to your parents and like a brother to your siblings. But why is it so that as soon as you step in my house you refuse to believe in the same for my family? To love my parents like yours, to care about my siblings like your own ones. I understand it's tough for you to settle in a new place, and I agree it's a little unfair of you being the one having to leave your family. But does that mean the moment you step in my house you plan to strip me off mine too?
I'm not saying dreamy girl you are wrong, I'm just saying stop imagining everyone as the one from your dreamland. It's okay if you aren't happy to be with me and want someone else to clasp your hand, but stop setting standards for my gender too, if you can't stand them for yours.
I want to meet a woman who grabs my hand and chooses to love me for being myself, it is true that I need a life partner too but does that mean I need to loose myself in this process?
Your idea of the perfect guy makes me chase after stuff I never had on my to-do-list. Yes it's true I too long for having a ladylove, but for that do I need to overlook my own choices.
Your idea of the perfect makes me adopt things, I'd never even thought would shape my life. Just to find the right partner for myself all this I do, wondering if she actually is the right one?
Shouldn't she be who chose me above perceptions of perfection or should be who makes me loose my own individuality? I wonder and then I end up agreeing to what you want. Because you know at a stage in life each man longs to have a woman by his side, and the fear of being rejected forever, guides me to become the guy I never wanted to be.