Postcards from Marine Drive — hum, ham-ing, aur aap

 Maybe, whilst not being on the lookout for it, I found my slice of sukoon, something that once seemed too utopian a concept to be mine.

With everything in me, if I were to string words together to define what it is, I would be at a sheer loss of words, yet it would always amount to a single one: you.

Sukoon is nothing but a state of existence where the heart and mind are utterly calm, yet eagerly vested in acknowledging the profound and all-encompassing charm that defines bliss. To me, that bliss spells as your name. For what else could it be, when days commence with you and nights fade into hues of dusk, all inscribing your name on the badge my soul proudly flaunts for being yours.

In all the languages I know, my thoughts would always read like a poem about you, and still, that would not encapsulate even an inkling of the sea of tenderness I carry within my heart for you.

If only I could open my heart to show you what I cannot pour into words, perhaps you would finally fathom everything I would utter only for you.

You have walked right out of my dreams, a muse for perfection, of all I could ever ask for. You read me like a book; every metaphor is etched for you within it, every obscure phrase carries a fragment of my soul. You decipher every unuttered word, every held-back sentiment, even those my shadow dares not be aware of. You read me in a way I have always wanted to be read, in every way I have ever wanted to be understood.

My soul gravitates towards nothing but you, and yours. You make it all sound so simple that it baffles me. How could someone walk into your world one fine day and cause you to believe it is where they always belonged?

Belonged, and I have longed for what even my heart and mind speak too little about. Yet somehow, my soul has whispered to you, and yours has embraced mine with a warmth so soothing I could forget everything, even myself, but remember you.

You and I are not two halves, but two wholes that piece together a puzzle complete. You could very well finish my sentences, yet in all partiality I cannot diminish us to being just partials. We augment and complement each other, together forming what would be a marvel of a symphony.

So, monsieur, be my forever muse, and I shall be yours. In all honesty, you make me feel much more than I can ever put together in words, with a heart so beautifully overwhelmed by your love.

That is what compels me to tell you how I feel, for you do not falter even for a moment in describing how you feel for me.

Oh, to be loved like an ode to love itself; ah, to it being a 'what if' you have cocooned me into an 'absolutely'.

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Marine Drive - hum, humming aur tum

A playlist stitched from a long drive’s echoes — the songs, the silences, the touch, the glances, and the quiet longing and adoration they carry. Each became a core memory, and so did this list, a time capsule of it all.

The postcards from it are moments and emotions captured through the lens and in lazy scribbles, preserved in their most raw form. 

Capitalism of the Heart: An Era of Emotional Transactions

Stemming from the post:

https://www.instagram.com/p/DMTURNatFex7mSVj-lnLw44KXrRF_otivctpH80/?igsh=MThuZGF5MTFjMTBzaQ==

This might sound a little strange, but I’ve been thinking a lot about how we’ve come to normalize ignorance — and not just normalize it, but position it as something acceptable, even admirable. We’re constantly told to be the “bigger person,” to not take things personally, to process difficult interactions with grace. And while all of that makes sense in moderation, we’ve taken it so far that we’ve turned numbness into a virtue.

We treat kindness, consideration, and selflessness as anomalies. We make those who express care feel like they're overstepping. Somewhere along the way, we decided that being emotionally distant is a strength, and that warmth is weakness. That if you’re expressive, present, giving — you’re too much.

People speak as though withholding connection is noble. That valuing yourself means limiting what you offer to others. But when did valuing yourself become synonymous with being unkind? When did we start calling arrogance “self-worth”? The line between confidence and narcissism has been blurred to the point of absurdity. And instead of questioning it, we reward it.

It’s not just about interpersonal ties either. This rigidity seeps into everything — friendships, workplace hierarchies, even family dynamics. We've built invisible ladders of expression, where seniors, parents, or even peers learn to hold back sincerity to maintain some sense of superiority. It's no longer just about respect — it's about control.

What baffles me is how natural we’ve made it feel to manage people, to control narratives, to guard our expressions not out of integrity, but out of strategy. As if connection is a transaction to be negotiated. As if being honest about your feelings will somehow lower your value.

We’ve started treating emotional expression like a limited resource. The less you give, the more you're worth. The moment you become available, you're disposable. And honestly, that sounds less like human connection and more like a concept straight out of an economics textbook.

Low supply = high demand.

Don’t be too responsive.

Don’t care too loudly.

Don’t give too freely.

We’ve applied market theory to our feelings. We’ve constructed an emotional economy where sincerity is undervalued and distance is a premium good. And the saddest part is that we’ve justified it all. We’ve over-explained manipulation until it sounds like wisdom. We’ve turned strategy into morality.

But here's the thing: if someone is sensitive, expressive, or soft-hearted, why do we treat that as something to fix? Why do we shame the very qualities we should be protecting? Since when did empathy become a liability? Since when did restraint become the gold standard for human connection?

Why are we pushing this narrative?

Why are we still pretending that deprivation creates depth?

And why aren’t we talking more about the fact that the real issue isn’t how kindness is shown — it’s how it’s received in a world that no longer knows what to do with it?

Ladies Room — Episode 6: Growth

Ladies Room is a series of text conversations that stem from casual discussions among peers. Often such insignificant interactions leave you with significant things to wonder about. The language of this series will be primarily English but often major parts of it may just be in Urdu. Updates are dependent purely open on the frequency of something being considered substantial enough to be put out like this.

The context of this discussion has been eliminated due to privacy concerns. But the points are still valid to the individuals and to others who may associate with them.

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Sabahut: But honestly though, if women have the understanding and emotional capability to do so much thinking, when it comes to such things, it shouldn’t be out of reach or something dream-like for men. So you know what, nah, I ain’t changing my standards, maybe just reach my level if you want to be with me.

Sawera: To be very honest, none of these expectations that you and I set at least for how to behave are unrealistic in terms of expecting too much. They're just usually impossible because they don't put in any effort at all. Apparently they like to quote women have a higher level of emotional intelligence but I don't see that as defense because what's the idea here? One just does so the other won't try to work on theirs? This is basic behavior that needs to change. Because in the end nothing else remains in a human, just who they are does, that lasts more than any other thing most people look for.

Sabahut: THIS. Absolutely this. For men, the only growing they believe in is professional. But that’s not real growth at all. If you think you are lacking the basic things as emotional intelligence, care, consideration, and depth in terms of emotional thought process, then try to work on those, because that’s so important for personal growth on a human level. You being a better professional, with a slightly smarter logical brain, does not really mean that translates into the personal stuff as well. And to me, that’s how I measure and judge maturity. For me, maturity is not only being responsible financially, being street smart, ‘world smart’ or independent. It’s everything else. How thoughtful are you on a human level? How considerate are you? How much do you really care - about emotions, about the connection and relatability between people, relationships? How much effort do you put into making sure the people around you who are close to you, really know that you are there and you care? It’s those things that mark the real sign of maturity for me. Both in a man and woman. And that’s the very kind of maturity men lack the most. Only thing is, it can never be an excuse, because no, you don’t have to choose either or - you can always work on yourself to increase that kind of maturity, while also being mature professionally. Women do it. So it really shouldn’t be an unrealistic ask.

Sawera: The area of personal development that explicitly revolves around all that impacts engagement with others will always be important. It's what bothers us at core. Of course people aren't alike and even in this domain they cannot and should not develop the same way, because here again individuality is key. So some will do wonders in one way or the other and some will struggle while others progressively learn. We'll all be at different stages. But the cognizance that personal growth is vital for both the self and others is essential. It's not a race. Your acceleration isn't key, but at least the effort made is. Because the unwillingness to evolve highlights the boxed understanding of what life is about.

Sabahut: Exactly, and sadly, the most prominent cases are the ones where they just ignore the importance and necessity of such growth, usually retaliating by saying, ‘but I’m bringing the professional stuff on the table…’ okay, great, but that doesn’t mean you get to ignore the personal growth aspect. And as you said, of course it’s very individual and varies person-to-person, and for sure, no two people will be on the same journey entirely, but you at least have to be willing to grow in that manner, at least try, because right now, keeping in mind where majority of the guys are in that aspect, when even ‘trying’ will be a lot, and huge step forward.

Sawera: The very idea that we can ration out growth under gender roles is problematic on so many levels. This isn't even about how two people may be in a relationship and what they bring to the table, though of course you're right, that's how it's termed. This is about how as a human do you deem it appropriate to limit changes in yourself to absolute necessities or areas you need to 'fill in.' Growth in every aspect and form no matter it may shape up for anyone is important but personal growth implies and impacts so much more than the most apparent one. To be honest, it's that realm of growth that impacts you more than others because how you experience life and evolve directly impacts your way of life, your perspectives and yes engagement does influence others but then again it impacts your social life while the choice to accept your irrational behavior rests with them. It's just how the notion that those who have to put up will put up as made people insensitive and ignorant. They choose not to be better because well who cares, not like there's anything they can do about it. And it's true I can't limit this toxic understanding to a gender but at least the society we live in, there's a significant majority on each side of the problem here.

Sabahut: If only the society and the men living in that society started to not see it as a gender specific thing, but rather a human being thing. Because I’ve always despised the whole notion of ‘oh, just try to understand, you’re a girl, so you are more understanding emotionally, guys grow in that aspect “later”’ ummm, okay auntie, but that’s no excuse? And that’s just very narrow-minded? Why that divide? Why that ‘oh, you just “complete” what he lacks’ NO I WILL NOT. It’s not on me, or him too, if we go for a general argument, to complete anything in that manner. Because it’s very basic stuff that very human being should possess, or at least try to inculcate into themselves. It’s these kinds of things, that I cannot tolerate the word ‘compromise’ or ‘adjustment’ with regards to. Because no, I shouldn’t be asked to compromise on something like this, maybe you should change your view and teach your son that it’s important for him to grow in that way, for his own betterment as well. 

Sawera: People do not understand the boundaries of the 'wise words' they like to say. Everything is great in one context and absolutely absurd in another. Partners do compliment and to a certain extent complete each other, just like any two people interacting would, because we are all different and for sure lacking in some sense. Lacking but not in a negative context. More like areas that aren't our strengths. It's a given, we all have some and some not. So companionship whether in a romantic relationship or otherwise does allow us to make up for voids. But the problem with inserting this logic everywhere is not understanding yes nobody is perfect but no that does not mean we don't need to work on ourselves. So for something like personal growth, it should always be viewed individually and mutually exclusive to each other because this realm of your persona is beyond your interaction with just one individual. And if you remain stubborn with growth in this area you cannot let it slide as something someone else will fill in for. No. Everyone cannot and should not have to do that for you. Maybe the manipulative kind would know how to behave where and minimize social impact while making one person's life miserable but then again that scope of effects doesn't justify anything. And it's only a matter of moments that others are touched by it too because unwillingness to grow becomes second nature.

Sabahut: And also, the way they start getting offended or start calling you ‘too serious’ or ‘too uptight’ when you make very arguments like these, where you try to logically explain why it is, that differences as such matter when it comes to definitions. Ugh. Like, kindly stop undermining my feelings about this, by labeling it as me ‘overthinking’ or being too ‘demanding’ because YOU can’t see your faults. 🙂

Sawera: It irks me severely that the need to work in improving upon your mindset, ideologies, perspectives, emotional awareness and anything similar is judged by the need of these elements to exist or not. It's true that the understanding is dominated by a misogynistic and patriarchal point of view. But at the heart of the problem it's this hierarchy set in the end where anyone we feel not answerable to, we feel it's appropriate to treat however we will, while perhaps choosing to pay absolutely no regard to them as a person. And for anyone otherwise we behave otherwise too. It's no surprise there's a gender domination there. Yet put that aside too and my concern is how willingly irrational behavior can be rationed to others. And that is independent our understanding of the matter. You can be acutely irrational, and it can simply be a choice. Just because it's defined okay for you. 

Ladies Room — Episode 5: Aging

Ladies Room is a series of text conversations that stem from casual discussions among peers. Often such insignificant interactions leave you with significant things to wonder about. The language of this series will be primarily English but often major parts of it just may be in Urdu. Updates are dependent purely open on the frequency of something being considered substantial enough to be put out like this.

The context of this discussion has been eliminated due to privacy concerns. But the points are still valid to the individuals and to others who may associate with them.

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Sana: Men are always deemed attractive when they’re older & grey. Meanwhile, women are expected to shrivel up and die in a corner at the first sign of aging.

Sabahat: Just the absolute truth and reality. Honestly, most women, once we decide that we truly love a man, many of the 'wishes' we speak of in our younger years, get moulded to the man we give our hearts to. And we accept the man we chose, in every way they present themselves. Because for us, it has so much to do with the emotions and feelings we attach with them. That other things start to matter less, for example physical attributes over time. But SO MANY. men hold physical attractiveness and beauty to such high standards even when they get older. They may say they don't care, but subconsciously, because it's so ingrained in them that they end up caring, and then their interest 'wavers' so to keep the attention intact, women have to go to such lengths to prove themselves to still be desirable. It doesn't help that the society only fuels the fire.

Ladies Room — Episode 4: Therapy

Ladies Room is a series of text conversations that stem from casual discussions among peers. Often such insignificant interactions leave you with significant things to wonder about. The language of this series will be primarily English but often major parts of it just may be in Urdu. Updates are dependent purely open on the frequency of something being considered substantial enough to be put out like this.

The context of this discussion has been eliminated due to privacy concerns. But the points are still valid to the individuals and to others who may associate with them.

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Aalu: I literally feel like I need to go to a therapist.

Sam: I just shut it all out and live in my own bubble of self care and self happiness and self well being. Have been doing it for a long while now. Just accepted the reality, and decided to mind my own business, do my own thing. There's no point really, doing anything else.

Aalu: I'm glad you can do that. 

Me: I think my therapist will need a therapist after I seek therapy.

Aalu: Honestly.

Ladies Room — Episode 3: Rationality & Relationships

Ladies Room is a series of text conversations that stem from casual discussions among peers. Often such insignificant interactions leave you with significant things to wonder about. The language of this series will be primarily English but often major parts of it just may be in Urdu. Updates are dependent purely open on the frequency of something being considered substantial enough to be put out like this.

The context of this discussion has been eliminated due to privacy concerns. But the points are still valid to the individuals and to others who may associate with them.

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Me: These things have happened since forever. It's just now people are being vocal about them, glad though because now people are actually thinking and talking. This conversation needs to take place. But the more you hear, the more you experience, directly or passively, it just teaches you so much more about respecting yourself. Our culture somehow completely skips the topic of self-respect being an essential, when it should be the foundation stone. And honesty it is literally the first building block. I know one thing that I say to y'all who are close to me and I'm forever adamant on it, and shall be. If need ever be, I know my views on this would still be the same and I'd vocalize them too. Please don't promise to love me forever, just do so till you can. And if you ever can't, then at least respect what we have and let me know you want something else. Don't cheat. Just let me know and I'll wish you well and leave. That's it. Period.

Aalu: 💯💯 the best way to put it.

Sam: I will tell him straight up. I am very serious about stuff like this. I will be very clear, I smell any sort of betrayal or cheating, and that includes EMOTIONAL CHEATING, where you are just not there emotionally with me, and are thinking about going astray in that way with someone else, it will be the same as cheating for me. You have to be 200% sure that you actually love me, like me, and will love me and like me, be it physically, emotionally, on a human level, intellectual level, even 20-30 years from now, in every age and every phase, no matter what, that's when I will go ahead with anything. Because I'm someone who is sure of things before I take any big step, and I am sure I have enough room to make things work or find solutions within that decision if there are problems or alterations that are needed. But if I'm choosing you, I'm choosing you forever. If you can't promise that, if you can't have that sort of clarity in choice for now and forever, then sorry, maybe I'm not the right person for you. I know not many people can be 'fully sure,' but if I can be, I'd rather someone else, of the opposite gender, who can think that way too. But there are so many serious things I will very clearly discuss and make transparent with whoever it is, in the future. Because I need to know he will not run away the moment something serious comes up. Disloyalty of ANY KIND, disrespect of ANY KIND, dis attachment of ANY KIND, and doubt of ANY KIND, and I'm out.

Because of all that I've seen around me, in terms of relationships and especially romantic ones, I've just learnt to really respect myself fully, as an individual and human being and a girl. I actually value myself a lot, be it my heart, my emotions, my worth, my happiness, and I'm someone who very vigorously protects herself. And I don't mind doing that, because I know no one else will be looking out for me as passionately as I myself can, because there are just some things other cannot do. So yes, I love 'love,' and I really like fairytales, and I dream of ideal scenarios and would be so elated to have those, with someone, BUT I also will never disregard myself and my own mind and peace when it comes to these things. I am very certain of how I deserve to be treated, and if a man cannot promise me that very minimum requirement, sorry, I will not sign up to hurt myself. That is my motto.

Aalu: Sam is my personal own therapist. Who I don't pay but still get quality content. I swear your a legend. 😭😭😭

Sam: I'm glad that my thoughts are helpful. Makes me really happy to know that they resonate. 😭

Aalu: They honestly do... they even motivate me to carry on doing with what I am. Because I should care more about what I deserve and not what others want.

Sam: Hundred percent. Never put your worth down. Ever. No matter what. Circumstances, misfortunes, difficult times, or even others constantly telling you that you're not enough should NEVER EVER make you question your own value. Because if you are alive and in the world today, it's because you deserve to be here. And you deserve every inch of goodness possible, but you got to learn to be your own cheerleader and your own advocate. You got to fight for what you deserve, as long as you can, and make it known, vocalize it, and express it. Because no, that's not being demanding, that's not being selfish, that's not being snobbish, and that's not being high maintenance. That's just being aware of your own feelings, your own happiness, and your own right to be peaceful. At the end of the day it's all about what brings you peace, and what makes you go to bed with a smile on your face, or without having a worry snatch away that sleep for the rest of eternity. You do what you have to do, to make sure you solidly that sort of sleep for yourself.

The Accused Victim

In societies where a woman's honor is treated like an asset, she is assaulted the most. She is mistreated, abused and raped. And even when she's the one dishonored, she is accused for what she faces. She is encouraged to forget the scars on her skin, the nasty fingers that have engraved their filth upon her soul, for if anyone knows people will look down upon her. She is coerced to stay silent, before the crime, during the crime and after the crime. And if the world finds out, she's forced to form a bond with the very man that has abused her. And if he doesn't no-one shall, let alone 'accept' her, they won't even let her 'live' in peace.

He is the one with the filthy glance and the demonic motives. She is the one to stay silent. She bears and bears till she can. Her crime being what? The fact that he is the one to eye her. If she defends herself or she doesn't, she is threatened and assaulted regardless. Yet if she tries to defend herself, her assault is labeled 'justified.' And she is the one decimated to the lowest level, for he laid a hand upon her.

Her age. Her identify. Her status. Nothing matters. She is a woman, that is all what is remembered. She is 'respectful' till she's 'dishonored' and once she is she's the one held accountable. Is this justice? Is this a woman's right?

And if she seeks justice, she's called out for raising her voice. Her voice is labeled the reason she's 'worthy' of this assault. Is this justice?

And if this isn't, then ask yourself. What would you do if a woman you knew was the victim?

To light a candle for a victim is easy. To save her from being plunged into a punishment for being victimized is the challenge. What would you do if it were about you?