Mess

You were a mess
But the most beautiful mess
A tad bit of grumpy
And a tonne of distress
The wildest of storms
But so soft that I’d want to caress
Maybe even if in a corner I supress
Lock away all that was felt by either
With me your glares and glances
Still tend to play a game of chess
Each one of your moves I carefully assess
Pondering what goes on in that mind of yours
Soul so subtly simple, emotions so simply subtle
But with the courage of a tigress
I was the one who wanted to checkmate you
Now look I’m the one left in a mess

Healing

And those who were hurt
Know how to heal
With a tender touch
Each wound they seal
And those who were hurt
Know how to feel
How tough it is to forget
Each memory they peel
And those who were hurt
Know how to deal
With all that is fake
And all that is real
They know more than you think
More than in what you believe
From most of the things
A deeper meaning they perceive
So let those who were hurt
Walk into your life tomorrow
Let it be a new morning for you
Let them take away your sorrow
You think no-one gets you
And yet at least they do
Learn to grasp another hand
Even if you trust a few

To a Decade of Escapades

Tracing tracks with the tips of shoes, twirling through twisted pathways, tightly clutching onto a satchel full of books. We wandered down new alleys whilst whispering to ourselves a thousand dreams, formulated and deconstructed several times on the way. The ways kept winding and in those spirals we still managed to find ourselves somehow. Maybe it was losing ourselves after all, that truly led to figuring out who we really wanted to be. Maybe it was letting go off firmly held beliefs and ideals, that led to exploring horizons beyond our perceived limits.

To the millennials that are now welcoming the third major decade change in their lives, we are stepping into a crucial phase. Building a career, starting a family or settling down with already laid out foundations, the next decade holds a lot for us. The person you are, looking forward to 2020, is completely different from the kid or adolescent with their whole lives in front of them as an unexplored adventure. The person you will be stepping into 2030 will be far from what you may have ever planned. But in this decade between these two milestones, don't forget to cherish life and its little things. Don't lose touch with who you are at the core, your dreams and aspirations are all worth still being explored. They may be the same or have altered several times on the way, and may continue to do so. Regardless, don't lose yourself on the way to building a future.

A decade ago, we began a journey of our own but shared uncountable ones with others. Intertwined hands with several and lost touch with many on the way. This past decade has built us, brought us down, taught us to rise up again and keep moving forward. So take along with yourself every bit of it that has encouraged you to grow.

It was never an easy journey and neither shall the following one be. But that is life and so take it all as a challenge. To broken trust and to built up bonds, to shattered dreams and to outshining all, to every frown and and to jolting back up each time you were brought down...let it all be a guide and a reminder that you are stronger than you believe.

I don't know who needs to hear this. But if you weren't in the best place this past decade, the fact that you are on the brink of starting a new one, already signifies your strength. Just hang in there. You survived. In the end, that is all that matters. In the end the very fact that you have battled with time, fate and even yourself certifies that you have not learnt to give up on life, and yourself. So just believe in yourself that you can continue putting up with every curve ball thrown your way, as long as you don't let go off the string of hope.

___________________________________________


To the people who completed this decade alongside me, thank you for hanging in there all along.
To the ones who left before the next mark, thank you for the fond memories we still shared and for the lessons you taught and left me with
To those who joined in on the way, our journeys together may be short but you chose to walk in when you were trapped in your own thoughts, trials and troubles...so thank you. May this last longer than either of us ever thought.
To those who I may cross paths with in the future, may our interactions be pleasing and worth it.
To all those I have ever known, may life bless you with the best. May you learn something new each day and may it shape you to evolve into becoming the best version of yourself.

Happy 2020 everyone!

Rest in Pieces

Our society talks about mental health when someone passes away.
We encourage people to have a conversation about how they’re feeling.
But when they do, we tell them they need to grow up.
No not in an empathetic or sympathetic way.
We tell them they need to stop thinking.
We downplay their struggles, make fun of their troubles.
We reiterate that to be insecure is to be weak.
We remind them that being happy and optimistic should be the goal so if they aren’t able to pursue it, it’s because they’re just not trying hard enough.
We push them to believe they are just not thankful enough about the little things in life.

And then we say “inna lilah wa inna alihay rajioun”.
[ trans: "Indeed, to God we belong and to God we shall return.” ]
And then we want to know their story.
And then we want them to have felt loved and appreciated.
And then we say we wish we could have done something.

We don’t.
We type away, “...hey if you need to talk to someone, I’m here...”

But we never mean it.

We agree because it's just a few words we're putting out there.

But we are not open to the thought having to do that.

And even if were genuinely concerned and not insensitive, we forget that dealing with someone such requires a lot more than just pure intent. Above all it requires patience and care.

The endless saga of brown people failing to comprehend mental health and concerns associated with it.

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If you are someone going through something, please approach people who have struggles of their own. They might not be in the right state of mind to get involved in your troubles.
But if they are, they’re really the only ones who will genuinely understand you, or at least make an effort to do so.

Falling

I fall in love with

Melodies and music

Chirping birds at dawn

With deep blue skies

Or with night lights 

As stars that shone

Brighter than smiles

I ever got to see

Maybe in the name of it all

Moon shall be my company

So moonchild what is it

That you seek after all

In this world so big

And hearts so small

Maybe just maybe

Solitude is my solace

Maybe just maybe

I’m finally loving this pace

That haunted me for years

Is now an eternity I long

Of being away and alone

So no-one hears that song

Playing on the radio

Are the beats of my heart

Tiny twisted tales

Of all those little starts

That were made to

Escape silence and grief

Maybe this is what was needed

Maybe this is true relief

Better than deserted

To opt to be on your own

Maybe this is what they call

To have finally grown

You accept the shadows

Not with spite but open arms

For in giggles and glitter

May not lie all charms

So let me hold onto

Well nothing after all

Let me cut all strings

And end all calls

Sink deeper into silence

Drive further than before

For it may be worth it

With even the feet sore

Let’s chase away ourselves

Until we’ve nothing to hold

Let go of it all we said we needed

Lies we ourselves told

We just needed to learn to

Accept it all without believing

That this could be the worst

Accept stranded as the company

That could quench the thirst

For homes and holy hearts

Let’s setup a new fence

Relax in the very place

That once left us tense

Accept that everything goes

Even if much didn’t come

Be glad you at least were

Able to find some

But now it’s time to

Finally move on

Dance to melancholy

As you see it all gone

Maybe this was it

Losing everything to gain

A lesson or two or infinite

In exchange for a bit of pain

At least next when it happens

When someone leaves you alone

You wouldn’t be surprised

Maybe finally you’d grown

To learn the truth of the world

That it was right to fall for everything

Except people weren’t worth it all

So fall for fiction and nature

Enough it is love, even if small.

Inspiration:

Conversations With A Stranger

This post is for anyone and everyone who is in any capacity concerned about mental health issues. It'll take you a while to read but I have a few thoughts I'd like to share. Pause or scroll away, whatever you wish.

If you've known me for a while, you would be well aware of the fact that I'm pretty vocal about certain topics, mental health is one. I gladly engage in discussion relevant to it and I'm definitely not a certified counselor, but I'm always open to conversation with people who feel the need to speak to someone. Through my own experience, sometimes a conversation is vital to keep you sane. I promise complete confidentiality in such cases, and whether we know each other in a personal capacity or not, I respect their privacy.

I recently had a conversation with someone. Bearing in mind that I would not like to reveal their identity in any capacity, I'm only here to tell you somethings I picked up upon. This isn't the first time, but this time something was so different that I found the need to talk about this.

The said person and I both are brown. And really they don't know me much at all. This is the first time I've had someone open up to me like this, given we barely know each other, almost strangers. But they knew I was all ears for anyone who needed someone to listen to them, so they hit me up. Usually we prefer to confide in someone close to us. But the reason they opted to talk to me (almost a stranger to them) was because the people closest to them have pretty harshly rejected conversation. This is the red flag. They trusted a stranger over the people close to them, because they didn't get support rather faced sheer criticism.

Mental health is still very much stigmatized in our society. Since it refuses to accept that these problems exist, most of the people going through any such situation have no medical record to support their condition. Brown people refuse to acknowledge anything unless there's documentation for it and of course they also have a tendency to blame people for their problems. That's exactly what happened with this person too. Our society easily blames people for even their physical misfortunes, then given it's not ready to acknowledge mental health issues, it's way worse. Additionally, since more young people are coming out and being vocal about mental health, most of us get labeled as attention seekers who are just overthinking and exaggerating things out of proportion. Now this is not to say I'm blind to the fact that people can fake things, but really telling that to everyone doesn't help you identify if their problem is real or like you'd prefer believing in, they're "faking it".

It's true that counseling should help you and yes you should consult a professional. But in my own experience I was present at such a session with someone very dear to me. I don't think our brown society is ready to have this conversation even when one of the person involved is a psychologist or counselor. I was astonished with the way I saw the psychologist do the same thing every other person would do outside their clinic, blame the sufferer for their suffering. Personally, I don't mean to generalize and say that's how all professionals are and so you shouldn't consult them at all. No, please go see one if it can help you. But after that experience, I don't think I'll be comfortable with the thought of ever paying a visit to one, at least back home. This horrendous experience I witnessed was at a very renowned hospital in the capital so that's enough to scare me away from even imagining what happens in other places.

Now the person who contacted me did so 1) because the people around them only chose to play the blamegame 2) they're afraid to have this conversation with their parents knowing they'll have a similar reaction 3) they found it easier to talk to someone who was open to mental health conversations, even if just a stranger.

On top of that, they're a psychology student themselves. Not only did the person they talk to blame them for exaggerating things but also blamed their education for it. They ended up in such a situation where it honestly hurt to read the texts they were sending to me. They were not in a good place and thanks to this uncooperative attitude they had to experience, they were doubting their own sanity. I really am of no help at all. I've no knowledge regarding helping anyone in such a scenario. But the 15 minutes we spent talking, they left off relieved with the thought that they shouldn't be afraid to seek help, they just need to talk to people who could listen to them without hurting them further. I've made absolutely no difference in their life, and I cannot. Really no-one can. Brown people treat everything as if it has a cure, cure it and move on. That really isn't how mental health issues are. It's not a mathematical sum that has a solution and yep you found x so end up of conversation. More often than not, it's all recurring too. As a society we need to understand that no-one wants to live a miserable life. Believe me everyone wants their problems to end. But mental health isn't something like cold or flu, so stop treating it like that. Encourage people by saying things will get better but don't expect them to wake up in the morning and go like that's it, my depression is cured and I'll never be stressed out again.

This individual sought comfort in talking to a stranger. And they're very young. I'm glad that they spoke to me because they knew they needed to. They needed someone to encourage them without making them feel pathetic for asking for help. But please, please be more understanding towards the people around you. If they don't want to open up-to you, respect that. If they wish to open up-to you, please be more welcoming. Do not push them away. Do not drive them towards self-doubt. Not everyone will choose to try talking to someone else instead. And I don't even want to imagine the consequences of shutting everyone out. Nothing kills you more than being in that situation and being on your own. Please don't show your concern for mental health as just a topic. Please be considerate to those around you who are going through such things. This place is not one to preach and I don't expect to really be contributing towards making a difference by just talking about it. So that's exactly what I don't do, I don't post stuff here and assume my contribution ends there. I remember these things when I'm around people, where my actions actually make a difference. If you're reading this, I just hope you remember these things the next time you're in a capacity to influence someone's life by merely use of words.

Choices

Make your own choices.
Use what you've seen and what you've learnt to infer who you should be or become.
Welcome what others may have to say.
Communicate your own thoughts without biases.
Put your thought processes towards understanding what choice is realistic, reasonable and applicable.
Consider factors that affect you and consider how you may affect others.
But in the end even after all of this, there is no certainty that you made the best choice.
But at least you made your own choice.
There's no regret left behind because you didn't value your judgement.
At least the results were preceded by your efforts to make the best choice.
What followed factors in not only your decision but the circumstances you encountered before and after taking it.

We all grow and evolve.
And if there's something I've learnt overtime, gradually through every stage, it's to communicate with others but not be guided by any.
Find inspirations, not instructions.
Free yourselves from labels and laws that govern our individual ideals and form monsters in the name of what the society shall say.
Remember the basic rules centered around morals and ethics that are the core of humanitarian principles.
Our faiths and our beliefs do not have to be the same to understand anything that brings harm shouldn't be a valid choice.
And even if your choice becomes a cause of destruction for you, you made it knowing what you were getting yourself into.
Just remember to not harm another individual by your action.
Center your morals upon ideals that are common to all, or at least a significant majority. Center your morals upon how your choices can impact someone, including of course yourself. Center them upon the basic instincts not beliefs that immediately tell you, this may be wrong but that doesn't seem right.
But don't count your beliefs as morals and ethics.
Because beliefs can differ, but basic ethics are unanimous, and they shall be.

And above all, respect people's choices.
Respect their right for only them to be responsible for the choices they make.
Don't hold them accountable to yourself.
Don't hold them accountable to your beliefs.
Hold them accountable to basic ethics if they violate.
Stop them, prevent things, only if what they're doing is against the basic ideals of humanity.

You don't have to be the follower of any faith or a part of any culture to fear the consequences of your actions.
There is no sin greater than causing destruction that can impact others.
You don't have to be the believer of any faith to remember that.
People's rights and humanity shouldn't consider and shouldn't only be considered when associated to any faith or culture.

We as people need a way to lead life, and so we choose a faith or are given one at birth. And we choose to stay with it, move to another or drop all.
And if you want to lead your life according to any or none at all, that depends upon you.
But no matter what choice you make, you are still a human.
You are not answerable to anyone for your beliefs except whoever you believe in.
But your actions should never violate basic ethics regardless of the choices you make.

This is not to say I promote the idea of forgetting your religion or culture. I don't. But my faith applies to me and so does my culture. If I believe I am answerable to God that is my belief. I shouldn't have the right to force that accountability on anyone else. No faith promotes forgetting one's impact on mankind. So remember that beyond just what you believe in. Because I a Muslim and my Christian friend may not agree on everything since our beliefs differ. But neither should forget our beliefs apply to us only. Our actions should respect our rights and those of others as individuals, whether or not our beliefs converge in that respect is not a given.