The Difference of Chlorophyll

privilege is a luxury
treasure it
with less on your mind
less comes out
with more comes trash
easily identifiable
not decipherable
within the confines
of too much love
affection is undervalued
when the question is
of there being any at all
the scale is different
and illusionarily balanced
pluck a twig
or crample a dead leaf
two insanely different things
viewed as the same in a pile

Infinite Exaggeration

❝ You. I can relate to you. And so can many others. Look below yourself. Look around yourself. You're not alone. You're just thinking too much. You're taking it to your heart. You're not the first to go through all this. Look what I went through. Look how it was way worse for me. Look how the very same thing affected me more than it affected you. Look how things have always affected me more. You've been through things but I've been through worse. And so you should really stop thinking too much, it isn't THAT bad afterall. In fact you really didn't have to deal with anything bad.

Your generation is extra sensitive. You guys take such things and make them big, amplifying bare minimum concerns. Depression? Oh we had bigger reasons to be depressed. But we never complained. Look at how tough our times were. You? You're not even affected that much. You're not really even affected directly. You have a roof above your head. You don't sleep on an empty stomach. You don't have to hang yourself along a bus to commute to school each morning. You don't even lend a hand in the household like our generation used to. You've no burdens to bear. It's all just in your head. You don't experience anything and yet you complain about the uneasiness in the air. What is that and why does it affect you and it really shouldn't because it's not like you're actually dealing with something practically...

There is an unsettling atmosphere and what about it? You can't even handle words when we've faced much worse. Peace? You say your life lacks peace? Comfort? You say your life lacks comfort? Well ours lacked more practically important and substantial things than that. You all just overthink and overreact over the smallest things. What is anxiety? What is that feeling of being unloved? What is the discomfort you speak of? Noise? What noise do you whine about? Oh please. You can't even handle witnessing things. You can't even handle listening to anything you don't approve of. How will you deal with practical life? How will you survive on your own? How will you thrive when you can't even compromise like us? Compromise is essential to building a sustainable life. You all only know how to escape. That is how clever and yet immature you all are. You don't have the patience to stay and deal with things, to face them and put other things and people above your own self. This is the reality of life. You have to go through a great deal and you're not ready for it at all. You don't even know how to deal with actual substantial problems. ❞

Sigh

Dear Society

Be it good, or be it bad. But what you chase most in life, never ends up being yours. In a world this diverse, we all are chasing after something. None is more important than the other, because what is essential for one isn't such for the other. How we value things varies and that's normal. We're all losing something and in that we're losing ourselves. While you try to hold yourself together, don't tell others they've no reason to be broken because...

Sigh

because...because doesn't really matter for those who don't want to pay heed. Why waste my breath on them?

If you see someone's scars, tell them they're not alone. We all wage our own wars and it's vital to know none of us is spared. Show them your wounds, show them the bullet-holes, show them your bandaids. So they look up-to you still standing upright through it all when hell breaks lose. Let your tale only encourage them to fight their own, but don't compare your battles. Don't downplay their struggles.

Parents. Ponder.

I do not know how strongly does anyone need to emphasize this, but please.

If you are a parent, please let your daughter complete her education before she "settles down to start a family".

If you are a parent, please do not pressurize your daughter into having kids as soon she gets married.

Rather if she is being pressurized into either of these situations and you are even a relative, turn around and look at your own daughter and for once think about the consequences of what this female may have to go through and what if your own daughter had to go through this.

I think above all the one thing I've always personally emphasized enough is that women ruin the lives of other women by either force or by silence. And when the cycle just continues we cannot shift everything on patriarchy and claim things won't change.

I'm a young Asian brown female so probably the first thing any adult reading this would think is I've no patience. I'm just another angry young kid, a flagbearer of divorce. I'm promoting one should break a relationship on the smallest of things too. I can't help it if you think such. I'd still recommend you to not judge me personally, because 1) you know nothing about me on a personal level even if we've known each other for years 2) this isn't about me. But if you believe I'm against a female "compromising", then you are right. Patience is essential and understanding each other and "adjusting" with your partner are all essentials of literally every relationship. Both partners need to learn to cooperate and work together. A "compromise" though is one-sided and toxic, for both individuals. One keeps pushing the other against the wall and the relationship isn't lasting, it's barely surviving, against some compulsion or a bunch of other excuses.

Pick out literally any case of a woman living in silence and bearing any sort of physical, mental, emotional or other sorts of torture. Ask her why? She will almost always tell you she cannot afford a good living for her kids because she isn't "qualified enough", and so the best option for her is to suffer in silence, till her children are independent. Then her children will be a shield against her own husband.

^ I'm not making this up. Literally open your ears and eyes and ask people because I'm not just another keyboard warrior, I have asked, multiple women multiple times. And all their stories follow a similar pattern. Due to privacy concerns I have to maintain the confidentiality of their identities of course, so no I've no "proofs" for you. Try it yourself and you'll get the same replies.

I'm not saying something as precious as education has only one purpose, to protect you. But for our women, the lack thereof has been problematic. I'm not saying not having a child immediately gives you all the opportunity to test your relationship, and it's a guarantee that your husband will never do wrong after that. But for most such cases, having a child becomes her greatest hindrance in setting herself free. Give her sometime to understand the relationship she is in. This goes regardless of it being an arranged, love, arranged-love, love-arranged or any other sort of marriage.

I'm not promoting the idea of divorce and please don't come telling me it's the most undesirable of permissible things, because like you I do know that already. But even if least desirable, it is better than suffering in silence for years and promoting the cycle to repeat.

A son born in an abusive household learns his mom had no choice, is brought up being told men are superior and then when he grows up, he does the same. Marries a woman, makes her suffer — in silence.

^ this is not the story of every child born in an abusive household but this is a true story and there are many of such nature around you, it's just the mouths of these women are often sealed shut

There's more to understanding these things than sympathising with a victim only.
Stop letting your daughters reach that stage where they have to post about the victimization they had to face.

Disclaimer: If you got married at a young age or have had a child soon after. Please do not take this personally. I do know a lot of happy couples that met as highschool sweethearts, got hitched at a young age, have beautiful kids and are growing up together with their partners. God bless you. You are lucky. May you always stay happy and blessed. But everyone doesn't have a love story as beautiful as yours. Some are forced into these things and those are the ones I'm speaking about.

Acceptance and Neutrality

To stay steadfast on one's own beliefs, is to give themselves a strong footing. It's a foundation that keeps you grounded. Often when everything else wrecks your world apart by the tremors that take you by surprise, it keeps your sanity intact and acts as a guide.

But to stay firm on these stances is acceptable when they aren't detrimental to others. For that to be apparent it is essential to open yourself to ideals that contrast, contradict or build upon your own. It is essential to both be clear about your own and listen to others with a calm mind. To surely firmly believe in your own and yet be fluid enough to ponder upon the others.

And that is exactly what we lack as a society and as a global community. From religion to political ideals, to historical perspectives to predictions of the future, to gender norms and identity to sensuality and sexuality, to deep-rooted and engrained values to the concepts of the ever-changing modern world.

We see extremes and rigidity or the lack of any sort of strong association with any ideal and an unusual level of eagerness to merge and camouflage into every dominant ideal. We as individuals either refrain from having any sort of position on these topics or are tough to even convince to view things differently.

And above all we have this lust of forcing upon others what we think is right. In this battle of discerning and declaring right and wrong we forget the basic ethics of all religions, cultures and social settings, to invite and/or englighten others but to not force upon them our own perspectives.

We have perplexed concepts of respecting and supporting each other where we believe these two translate into immediately letting your guard down and blindly adapting to whatever the other individual, group or ideology has to say. When in truth to respect is to merely acknowledge the fact that another perspective exists and even if we may not share the same, we can accept the fact that it has the right to coexist with our own. And to support? Well often many of these perspectives belong to two major categories, the absolute majority or the absolute minority. In the case of a minority, it is often subjected to oppression and it's believers are indirectly or directly, with force or without it, pushed towards adopting the majority's perspective instead. The believers of the minority's viewpoint are exposed to an uncomfortable setting wherein even their safety and security can be at risk. Thus to support them is not to adopt their perspective but to recognize their right to have their own, to understand and express that even if it contradicts yours, you are open to accept that as another human being they are entitled to be different, no matter how drastically different their view may be from yours. To respect and support is often misinterpreted as a sign of weakness where you are ready to put aside your point of view and accept the other's, when instead it is a sign of strength where you are sane enough to firmly stand by your own and yet let the others stick to their's.

When it comes to rather controversial issues such as religion, the matter just becomes worse. Enough that the majority of us who have firm beliefs but respect and support others are afraid to voice that opinion. If I believe in Allah/God but you believe in Lord Shiva and I respect and support you because you are entitled to have a different belief from mine, that doesn't mean I'm letting go off my own. It means I just understand we can coexist without badmouthing each other's beliefs. If I believe in a more modest sense of style but I also respect and support you not having the same standard, that doesn't mean I will abandon my choice for yours. It just means I accept you as a different individual. If my definition of a relationship and who and how to fall in love are one dimensional whereas yours includes a broader understanding, that does not mean I'm changing my personal approach about relationships or sexuality. It just means I am understanding that you have the right to have your own.

It is often the definitions of right vs. wrong and detrimental that create havoc when it comes to these controversial topics. But what we need to understand is that is, what's right for me, may be wrong for you and what's wrong for you may be right for me. Our understandings are personalized and subjective. Thus it is better not to reject the idea of independent views because we believe we are right or the other is wrong. It is best to only stand up against something when it physically or mentally harms either one of us or others directly or indirectly and this conclusion is drawn through rational understanding, not motivated by personal biases.

As for the concept of inviting or enlightening another about our own, probably the best and most sane way out there is to be the best version of yourself. What you apply to yourself and what impact it can have is visible to everyone, thus if they feel more inclined towards your beliefs they will willingly lean in after putting a thought into everything and without you having to do anything. Even if you deem spreading the word your duty, silence can do it in a far better way. If you still choose to speak up instead then understand that you can always choose to peacefully do so without attacking and offending anyone directly. I just shared my perspective about acceptance and neutrality above without pinpointing at any individual and/or belief/belief system. You can choose to do the same with any viewpoint. Just remember, to utter is your choice. To listen, understand or accept is the other person's. Don't cross that line. Make your choices and let others make their own.

Overboard

Overboard. Sometimes you do go overboard. You say a little too much then you should. You feel a little too much than you should. You do a little too much than you should. Sometimes you do go overboard. And for some this is unsettling. They see how you do and believe you shouldn’t. And sometimes these people include all but a few. Does that mean you should stop listening to all of them? Or to the few that are different? Neither. You should listen to neither because you know yourself best.

Even the one who claims to know you the most, knows you the least. Even the one who believes they are entitled to know you the most, doesn’t know everything after all. And then those who know a lot, a bit and somewhere in between, they all form opinions about you. They all perceive they know what’s best, for you and about you. But that’s the thing, they only perceive things to be such. In reality, no-one really knows you completely, even the one who believes they know you in and out. Because no-one is YOU. And no matter what anyone says, no-one really knows what all goes on around you and within you. They don’t know what you see, they don’t know what you feel and they don’t know what you think. They are only aware of what they choose to see, feel and think about you. And sometimes that too is limited by how much you want them to see, feel and think about you.

Your level of expression has a limit. Their level of perception has another. Neither of which are fully aware of the other’s limits. You both guesstimate, leaving everything else to how the other chooses to express. But they don’t know you, and never will. You will either choose to limit that, or they will to understand. And sometimes both will happen simultaneously, reducing everything to an even smaller extent.

So yes you do go overboard. You are over-sensitive. And you do overthink. You are all that and a lot more. You know this and so do they. But they don’t know why and you do. Everything you experience is always unique and yet is linked to something in the past somehow. So each time you face something new, your mind redirects you to a lesson from before, and you react, differently. Differently? Yes different for those who don’t know you. Odd for those who don’t know you. And no-one really knows you, so yes precisely surprising for many, because they expected something else. But only you know what was going through your mind. Only you know why you reacted how you reacted. So just breathe. Listen to them. Ponder. Consider if anything they say may help. But don’t let their beliefs doubt you yourself. You know what you did and why. Maybe you could’ve done better. If YOU feel such, than try again next time. But if only they feel such then don’t. No not because they are wrong. But because they don’t know you. They don’t know why all that they say isn’t easy for you to align yourself with.

You do go overboard and you should stop. You are insecure and you shouldn’t be. You are too quick to react and you shouldn’t. You lose your calm and you shouldn’t. But none of that is your “problem” or your “fault”. Your experiences have tuned you to behave in certain ways. And maybe they’re right about what they think. But they still don’t know you. They can only say, and it might only hurt. But they can’t understand, because they’re not YOU. They haven’t been through the same.

Don’t hate yourself for what you’ve gone through.
Don’t hate yourself for what it has done to you.
Don’t hate yourself because you disappointed someone.
Chin up. Look straight. Take a deep breath. And try again.
Be yourself and still work on being the best version of yourself.
Try to evolve for the better, for yourself. Not for someone else.

Silence

They cover my mouth with their hands,
Seal my agony in a jar,
And in trouble an entire society lands,
When to a no-man's land they've shipped afar,
My self-respect, my dignity, my pain,
Deprived me of all that I owned,
Stating they do this for me, calling it my gain,
Ignoring each time I've groaned,
They teach how to tether my hopes to a pole,
Telling me to stay sane this is the way,
Shattering my existence as a whole,
With my life they tend to play,
Ruthlessly dictating their norms,
When they state the rules by which I must abide,
I'm forced to stand still in the face of all storms,
If in their land I must reside,
Setting their own legal code to follow,
They turn my refusals into a forced yes,
With patience this bitter taste I must swallow,
For useless is each of my call of distress,
I'm gender-less, a person with no social status or class,
I am the voice of each person ever put down,
Breaking the silence alas,
Choosing to no longer frown,
Over what has has been taken away from me,
I choose to communicate to empower,
Yet knowing of little advantage all this shall be,
Till we hit the eleventh hour,
Till then I shall be labeled a psychopath,
An ungrateful soul,
Facing the world's again,
For what from me they themselves stole,
For the world's religion of silence, blasphemous are my views,
Heinous are my acts, detrimental is my speech,
I am the person for whom they say hate he spews,
A criminal mind, a parasite, about me is what they preach.

The Demon or The Angel?

He picks me, he beats me,
All with a deathening glare,
He marks my soul, stabs my heart,
Leaving me alone in despair,
But he's got the same pair of warm hands,
That pull me up in a tight embrace,
He's toxic, he's dangerous, I should run away,
But his love always slows down my pace,
They say they don't pity me anymore,
Because I'm the one putting myself through,
But tell me if after decades you found treasure,
What would you choose to do,
Maybe I'm weak, or maybe just mad,
But there's so much that you don't know,
For all that I've faced to date,
I have truly learnt to grow,
Maybe I'm risking my life,
Maybe you're right that I deserve more,
But for once I've got a little bit of love,
And so I just let him roar,
It hurts, I know it does,
More than you even know, more than you say,
But when after years of waiting,
You get to see the light of day,
For even a second, for equal darkness in return,
Tell me would you choose to run to the dark,
Would you trace your steps back to hell,
Or let it burn you a bit, but witness the spark,
Maybe I'm setting myself on fire,
Maybe I could've fought for my right,
But don't you see my scars are to deep,
Or do you just ignore that sight,
He leaves a scar, he lays a kiss,
He's not the best, but better than many,
If I have to fight with demons for warmth,
I'd take him over literally any,
I know he's losing his mind,
Coming crashing down right before my eyes,
But even if I try to get up,
Within me you'll find no courage to rise,
Maybe you're right I'm stupid and he's harsh,
You say we're both meant for each other,
But maybe we don't see his side of the story,
What has he lost, maybe a mother,
Maybe noone helped tame his demons,
Maybe my patience will do the job,
So I shall choose to stay till I breathe,
Even if the cuddles fight against sobs.