20. The number that demarks a rite of passage in our lives. The end of teenage, and the beginning of adulthood. But there's a lot more than just this that the number 20 brings in your life, including the lesson to love. So before this 20th year ends look back at all you have, all that you loved in your life and all that you haven't. But wait. Before you go into your own flashback, let me take you through a journey in my one. Let me enlist the 20 things I believe deserve to be on this list. I too chose to look back at them last year when my 20th one was just ending and spent the rest of the time to date pondering upon how and why I should have learnt to love all these things by now. No I'm not guiding you to start falling in love with the opposite gender! We'll come back to that one later. For starters, let's have a look at some other things.
1 - Yourself
I'm asking you to love the person you see in that mirror everyday, the person you see, but never how you should. Look at that person just how you wish someday someone else looks at them. Life isn't a piece of cake for anyone, but it becomes a living hell for anyone who cannot learn to love themselves. The entire world will never be nice to you. There will be people around you on the look out to pull you down. There will be people out there who may not have anything against you, but they will still hurt you because it's their favorite pass time. Sometimes you would feel that every person around you is fake or greedy and has nothing to do with you. Sometimes you will feel no-one cares. But when no-one cares then to survive someone must, and that someone has to be you. Love yourself. No matter what people tell you, know your worth. Never doubt it, it is what makes you YOU. And if you doubt your own worth then who are you? Someone who's loosing their own identity.
2 - Your body
When you looked into that mirror, I'm sure there were 101 things you noticed about yourself. You judged your own self for how you look. If you judged yourself to not look like someone else, you need to re-evaluate your thought process. Be comfortable in your own skin. Don't let some materialistic standards leave you complexed. You are beautiful, tell that to yourself every morning you wake up. How you look should be based on your choice, not so that you can conform to some standards. If you love your curves, don't tell yourself you need to go on a diet. If you love your skinny arms, don't tell yourself you need to put on some weight. If you love your skin, don't tell yourself a shade-card defines your worth. If you love your acne, don't tell yourself your skin isn't beautiful. And if you don't like something about yourself, I'm not telling you one can't change it. I'm telling you just not to change it for someone else. This is your body, love it for what it is. And if you don't, you can make your own decision to look more pleasable to yourself, but don't do that for what people say. If you like to stick with how you look, or you wish to change it a bit, either ways, love your body. Don't let someone make you feel guilty for not wanting to change yourself, and don't let someone be the cause of you wanting to change yourself.
3 - Haters
Who said you were born to please everyone? Don't we all have a few people in our lives who just absolutely hate us? We do. And what should we do with them? Let them effect our lives, or react in the same way they behave? Neither. Don't let those haters make you hate your own self, but then don't hate them either. Some people have a lesser share of the love that they can spread to others. Maybe they're just one of them too. Love them for each time they hate you. Their little share of love that they can spread to people, might just multiply with your one, to spread more love in this world. Let the love in your heart, and the one hidden in theirs, reproduce to spread more love in their lives, and through them in the lives of others.
4 - Your weaknesses
We're all weak in one way or the other. Who said anyone of us could ever be perfect? People shall label these weaknesses as your flaws, but you should make these weaknesses your strengths. There's no better way to do this than embracing them, accepting them, and loving them. They are a part of you, a part of you that may not be the best. But to hate them is to let them overpower your life, so much that they begin to weaken your strengths too. Love your weaknesses because they always give you something to work on, something worth striving for.
5 - Beauty
We all love beauty. Don't we? Then why would I state it here? I stated it here because of two reasons. Sometimes we are at a tough stage in our lives, all we see around us is the darkness that we find engulfing our souls. An eye that appreciates beauty even when it's full of tears, can be able to strengthen it's keeper, the body it belongs too, even in the toughest times. So love the beauty that surrounds you, it has the power to re-energize your soul when nothing else can. But then there is another reason to state this too. Almost all of us admire beauty, but very few really appreciate it. If someone else is the reason behind that beauty, appreciate them. You might just make their day, spreading a lot more love than you may have intended to.
6 - Opportunities
In life's toughest times, there is something we always forget, the opportunities we had. All we choose to look at is what we are currently going through. Learn to love your opportunities, even after they are over. Love them and remember them forever. They are the reasons you may have experienced some of the most beautiful things in your life. Opportunities don't only give us fruitful results, they serve as a chance to learn something new. The benefit generated from these opportunities can be both temporary and permanent, but the latter is a timeless asset.
7 - Hardships
Who in the world would ever choose to love their own hardships? No sane person would. That is probably what you are thinking, thinking this person is blabbering utter crap. No I'm not. Just give it a second thought. Reconsider why would I even ask you to fall for your own problems? I would ask you to do so because each hardship means a lesson learnt in the end. Each hardship may leave you depressed at the moment, but later when you look back at what you have gone through with a positive approach, you will realize all that this time has taught you, all that which would encourage and enlighten you, about dealing with an expectant issues in the future. Your hardships, your troubles, all enable you to learn, grow and evolve. So the next time you face a similar circumstance it is easier to wind your head around the fact that life is testing you again. You are more mentally prepared to face the challenge which already solves a third of your problem, because the moment you take a step ahead with the unwavering intent to step back, you have already conquered your fears and apprehensions. Without those in your path, it is much easier to focus your mind on analyzing the problem at hand, figuring out a solution, devising a strategy and finally putting an end to the issue.
8 - Your demons
Don't worry, I'm not urging you to embrace satanism or preach wickedness. I preach optimism, but sometimes it is vital to understand your demons too. By asking you to love your demons I certainly don't demand you to let the evil flourish. There's a little bit of negativity that exists in all of us. It's existence is vital in our lives for us to able to walk away, deject and move on from the people and circumstances that endanger our existence, our happiness. But other than that it is vital to love your demons so that the charisma of their negativity doesn't surpass the safe level. Love them enough to let them exist in your world, but not enough to shatter it. Your demons can be destructive but their existence is inescapable and inevitable. When rightfully put to use this evil energy can enable you to combat and defeat evil itself, so tame your demons, love your demons.
9 - Peace
Aren't we all peace lovers? At least most of us would claim to be so. And probably everyone reading this definitely belongs to either of the two categories. Pretty sure that is exactly what you are wondering while mentally judging me for stating another obvious fact. Well it isn't as you may believe. We all wage our own wars, but sometimes those battles push us till the point that our anger overpowers our angst in such ways that we begin to torture not only ourselves but others. When the mind is overpowered by such emotions, we are recommended to admire positivity, meditate or even perform a kind act. All this can help one cool their mind. But all this isn't effective just out of the blue. One needs to be acceptive of and in love with the concept of peace, enough that these two things push one into dealing with the chaotic situation one may be in, to result in a more peaceful situation and state of mind.
10 - Scars
Life is a battle and your scars are your battle wounds. They represent all the wars you've waged and survived, even if not successfully won. Those defeats too represent another battle you might have won, because you're still sane and willing to face another challenge. You've not stumbled, you're still steadily approaching your future and what all lies ahead despite the fears at the back of your mind. The fears that are like the shards of the glass of memories, small bits of them that inflict nothing but pain. You're ready to overlook all that has happened in the past and move on and ahead. But the only way you will be prepared for all this, to take on a new battle and not run away from the battlefield but run for your weapons hope, faith and steadfastness, is if you fall for yours scars. If you learn to love them for the fact that they prove you can exit that battleground winning in at least one way or the other, then only will you be mentally prepared to put yourself through another test.
11 - The ones scarred
It isn't easy to love yourself after all that you may have faced in life, because it is quite likely that you fall for the existence of the "unlucky" and "cursed" labels. But the challenge is to not fall in that trap. It is still comparatively easy to save yourself than to save another person, in fact when it comes to another person it is easier to be the perpetrator of this evil act where you yourself associate them these labels. These labels that shatter their hopes and bring them down, make them believe they are not good enough for you or in fact for anyone else's company either. The real test in this case is to leap ahead of that obstacle. The obstacle that once crossed can set you free from tendencies to judge someone else. To judge someone for what they have faced, but may or may not have absolute control over protecting themselves from. They may have not had their armor on but now you could be the one taking their shield away. One don't always need someone to fight their battle for them, maybe they don't either. Maybe all they need is someone to give them a hand and help them stand up again, all with just a smile and a warm heart.
12 - Justice
This may just sound pretty odd when read first. But the fact is, yes we do all love justice for ourselves, not necessarily justice in general. The first type in that case generates personal benefits, so the appreciation of a just system is indeed quite obviously an approach all of us would favor. But the real challenge is to love justice as just a concept. No-one is ever a saint or a heavenly being, we all make our mistakes and deserve our fair share of punishments, just like we expect one out of the rewards. The real deal is to love justice irregardless of the circumstances, the benefit, the benefactor and the beneficiary. To love it unconditionally is to appreciate the true beauty of justice.
13 - Change
Everything evolves overtime, change is an inevitable part of life. It effects our life whether we approve of the altering situations and circumstances or not. But some of us still lag behind in accepting change. Potentially we've no way to elope from this phenomenon, but the lack of willingness in embracing it effects both our approach and actions. When one begins to take in the instability positively they are likely to be more mentally prepared for expecting the unexpected. This not only enables them to encounter ruckus in life without panicking, but also prepares them in a way that they embrace uncertainties and yet remain determined towards their goals.
13 - Sunshine
Sunshine is often represented as a means of provision of energy or sustenance for life on planet earth. It also tends to signify power, strength or new beginnings. But excessive exposure to the same sunshine has detrimental effects on mankind too. Your source of vitamin D is a cause of cancer too. To love sunshine is a tricky affair, it's a matter of striking a balance between your emotions for anything that both benefits and harms you. Sunshine merely represents that concept. But we need to recognize that like sunshine is an escape from darkness it also has effects that can hamper us, but the solution is not to let yourself be lost in the shadows. You need to decipher and grasp the concept that it is important to let both your heart and mind take charge simultaneously, so your consciousness doesn't leave you enclosed in protective casings but the daring nature doesn't expose you to excessive dangers either. Start from loving sunshine, and then apply the same idea to everything else in life.
14 - The guilty
Every human action has an explanation, whether justified or not. The challenge is to not observe an action in isolation but to dig deeper for what lies behind it. Every psychopath has a story too. You can't overlook actions, tales tell causes. That doesn't translate to the idea that all actions should be forgiven without any questioning and without holding the perpetrator accountable for their misdeeds. But it serves a number of other purposes. You tend to place yourself in their shoes and ponder over how would your actions be effected by similar circumstances. This can allow you to probably sympathize with them or at least learn a lesson from someone else's experiences. One can be guilty, and either deserve punishment or counseling and support, knowing what they have been through can help you make a wise choice and possibly play a role in what their future could look like. It's true that we make our own choices, but sometimes we don't seem to have a lot of options either. If you know more about why something happened you can understand how it could happen in a better way. The thought process may allow you to analyze the scenario in a better way before you pass verdicts, sinful but the person may really not be guilty after all. So learn to love those your mind accuses because as long as the hate hinders your way, you will never be ready to look beyond superficial levels,
15 - Freedom
We all seem to love freedom as a concept, freedom to speak up, vote, choose etc. But the fact is we don't love freedom beyond purposes that immediately direct to personal gains in one way or the other. We tend to fear freedom. We love the liberty but with it comes a lot of responsibility, and that combination makes us doubt our feelings for this concept. We're passionate to make choices but the results they come with can sometimes hold us back, make us prefer sticking to an environment where we can still look up for what others think would be suitable for us. It's essential to look for guidance but freedom demands that our decision making process not be limited by preset options. Instead we should be able to construct own choices. So fluff out your wings and fly out of boundaries, broaden your horizons and build your life without peeking at templates. Love freedom freely, unconditionally.
16 - Interactions with strangers
Maybe you're an introvert and you tend to sink deeper into your handheld device, book, newspaper or any other possession when you are around a couple of strangers. I wouldn't force you into starting a conversation, maybe not you but maybe the other person doesn't welcome it either. But just be a more observant person and you will start to love these interactions already. Nope don't eavesdrop but instead of glancing down just look up and around. Communication is both verbal and non-verbal. Try smiling back at the kid curiously looking at you the next time you're alone in a public place. The heartfelt grin they'll return back will warm your heart, just a smile from a complete stranger. You'll then realize what I mean when I say love these mini moments you get to spend with anyone, even if they're someone you don't know at all. You just may end up making a beautiful memory if not anything else. The world s too big, don't let yourself be hidden behind screens and pages, they're real life people out there. You and your dearest friend were also absolute strangers once.
17 - Your peers
Life saps out a lot from us, you never know what one may be going through, maybe you don't even need to know or they would never want you to know that either. But learn to love everyone despite you sensing or not sensing that they need someone, not everyone's feelings are always obvious. But for all the love that may be drained out of people's lives, it doesn't hurt to randomly express some love for your peers. Like a random act of kindness, spread a little love each way you go, so if anyone is in need of some, you may still be unintentionally playing your part in making them feel loved and valued.
18 - Moments
Time is precious and often runs out. We tend to usually count our troubles more than our blessings. Maybe because we don't smile wide enough when everything seems to be just fine, but we frown every time things go wrong for us. If you learn to love every little moment and the little things in life, you will realize the dark clouds aren't chasing you always. You just don't look up enough, take a deep breath and thank nature for the spells of light showers and lambent light. Contentment just adds supplemental positive vibes in your life, making you feel better even when you feel low, because you have higher hopes of things eventually changing for the better.
19 - Life
Life delivers mystery boxes to you every now and then, without you placing any orders. You don't realize the price you pay until later. There's no guessing what in the world could it contain and how long it may take you to go through the contents. Life is unpredictable and it doesn't come with manuals, you wind your own way through it with whatever you're able to decipher on your own. It just leaves you with lessons each time, it's on you if you wish to even notice those. This is life, and there's no way out. You only live once, so love it for the way it is and be prepared for anything and everything.
20 - Literature
I had thought of switching this one's place with "Life", but to tell you the truth sometimes none of the above will make sense to you, even loving life and it's unpredictability won't be easy. But for all those times that your brain refuses to make sense out of your encounters and any choices, remember reading through what someone else may have to say might at least clear the mist if not anything more. So read, read, read and love literature. The genre doesn't matter, the setting doesn't matter, sometimes even the author doesn't. If anything matters it's the content and what you choose to take away from it.
I counted all the way up till 20 and didn't speak of the other gender, despite saying I would come back to it later. Here's why. You're just 20, and yeah maybe you and your childhood sweetheart could have a future together too, we've all heard of some of those tales that come to be true. But there's so much more you would want to indulge in and learn before you choose to grow together and old with someone else. Till you actually find someone you would want to be with forever or what at least sounds like that, don't sink to deep in that sort of love. You're still exploring yourself, if there's anything you want to be sure of in a relationship is who you are, a person in a state of self-doubt doesn't recognize their boundaries, they could end up just making situations complex for both themselves and their partner. I'm not saying falling for all these 20 things will help you find yourself, there are so many more things for that purpose which I haven't listed. But this is just a start, so kick off this journey, and once you are confident about own progress to at least a considerable extent, then join hands with someone else, start another journey together and explore both tracks concurrently.
