One. True. Love.

Sunk into an ocean of feelings,
As you grasped my hand,
For life suddenly seemed so colorful,
A life I'd called bland,
Knee-deep in a puddle of tears,
You'd found a lonely girl,
Screaming with joy now,
As in your grasp she twirls,
Let loose all that pulled us away,
Caught hold of all that brought us near,
To slip away shall always remain,
My biggest fear,
It is true I've longed for true love,
For someone to engulf me in an embrace,
Ever so softly wipe away,
The tears trailing down my face,
I've cried, cried my soul out,
Each time I needed someone to be there,
But I cherish that time too,
Because the wait has brought me here,
Your peck on the edge of my forehead,
And the way you glance down,
Makes me forget what I've been through,
Every tear, every single frown,
There's no better place for me to be in,
Than in your very arms,
I could give up on all for this,
That too shall do no harm.

12 Rids of Christmas

Christmas worldwide is a day of giving, both love and gifts. It marks the most awaited holiday of the year that spreads the warmth of affection and cheerfulness, as if all of people's worries are frozen inside the snow that caps their houses during this time of the year. Heading home for the vacations and cracking jokes with family and friends over dinner tables remains to be the annual tradition. So while we free ourselves of all other affairs to take some time out for ourselves and and our loved ones, this time free yourself of something more too. To be precise free yourself from the existence of certain types of people in your little jaunty worlds. Presenting the 12 Rids of Christmas, time to have you pull out your pens and pads and enlist the names you want to cross-out from your lives forever, for good.

Pessimism Pot
For obvious reasons one of the essentials of growing up is to embrace things as they come. To understand that acceptance is your only sane way out of life's misfortunes. And while most of gradually tend to let this sink in gradually, we let some "pessimism pots" stay in our lives. The distractions these people can cause with their negative approach while you yourself are still developing the positive one can mess up your thought process. So this Christmas, the first category of people you need to bid farewell to are the ones who breed in pessimistic zones.

Buck-Eater
If this friend were an animal they'd be chameleons, nope not because they constantly change their ways but because of their nature of being adept at camouflaging themselves. This is the type that stays hidden within your social circle unless some unforeseen events occur. Thus it is quite possible that you may have not identified the ones in your own till now, but the moment you do, this is the person you'd never want to keep close, unless you choose to remain vulnerable. The "buck-eater" is a kind of human pest that feeds on cash. Their standards of friendship remain as shallow as your willingness to spend on them or the ways they wish. The moment your refuse they will be the first ones to call out your name, make your existence in any social gathering miserable because your refused to let them seep into your pocket. Friends are the kind of people you love to spend on, but if this choice becomes a compulsion, then you probably need to get rid of such friends.

Getatabe-lity Seeker
We all have a friend who practically seems to always be busy, but then we all also have that friend who treats you more like their favorite pastime. The friend that seeks your attention or returns some too, only when they've nothing better to do currently. Even though understanding people's lives, schedules and priorities change is a part of the rules of adulthood, to choose to have the status of an avocation in someone's life isn't. So if you feel you're more like the Christmas sweater for them that they wear once a year, it is time you get rid of them like the Christmas tree you never bring back home next year.

Human Pendulum
It is human nature to adapt to changing circumstances. A chameleon's characteristics are not desirable in life but general adaption towards changing situations and stages in life is actually a good thing. As one grows up it is also normal to experience changes in your social circle and how you interact with these people. But what isn't normal is to be friends with someone whose life choices are more volatile than Helium. Be it your relationship with them or any other element in their life, these people refrain from commitment and runaway from the concept of loyalty. You will have the hardest time maintaining a healthy and pleasant relationship with such people. You will often find yourself questioning the bonding you two share and the dubiousness may lead to both of you sharing uneasy moments if you try to set things straight. Your only relief is to let them be and walk away on a good note with minimum possible unpleasant memories.

Relationship Rooster
So relationships for some are a stage in life and for some are like phases they go through. But for some relationships are the soul thing their life revolves around. And it doesn't matter if you're a single friend who feels lonelier when he/she spots other couples in the hood, the third wheel who is gladly single and embraces the fact with all dignity that many of his/her friends are not or you're in a healthy relationship yourself. No matter which category you belong to, a friend that basically eats, sleeps and breathes relationship conversions, belongs to the category of least productive people on planet earth. If you've better plans in life than remaining stagnant in relationship issues, you better rid yourself of the person who pulls you to that side with their insanely obsessive ways of dealing with relationships.

Bipolar
In medical terms this is an actual disorder but for some people behaving in a manner analogous to a see-saw is the usual. These indecisive people will never be completely expressive nor will leave you completely sure about the equation they share with you. The sort of relationship they will have with you will make it tough for you to ever progress, because these people are not confused, they're clear about their thoughts but they refuse to stick with one choice. They know their options and they will prefer to act tipsy and unprepared whenever they need to pick one. As time progresses they will not be afraid to jump on another stump that seems more profitable for them at that moment. So before they start to go out in search of their new safe haven, it is time you find our own new one.

Fame Freak
We all tend to seek attention from at least a handful of people in our lives. An the fact is most of these people are the ones we don't expect to be told we want this from them, but believe we should hold such a place in their lives where it tends to count as our right and their unsaid responsibility. But while seeking attention to this extent remains to be a healthy and regular matter, the one that exceeds these general boundaries turns into a lust for eyeballs, more like websites trying to work on their marketing strategies. Affiliation with this sort of a person is equivalent to making yourself liable to be deserted any moment, whenever their fame level seems to twitch. Sincerity is a word these people are least familiar with, so before they sight you as a factor effecting their popularity levels in a detrimental way, lead yourself to the exit door from their world.

Renegade
Rebelling against archaic ways is often another way of progressing. But it remains vital to understand that many times the rebellious extinct that we all develop as young teenagers does not always bear fruitful results. This is another one of that lessons that we learn growing up. But many of us fail to develop that level of stability in our behavior. Your social circle will often have that one person that is more reactive than fluorine, ever ready to jump to conclusions, pounce on others and take the most bizarre and regrettable decisions. This is the kind of person who doesn't effect you directly but their company surely can have adverse effects on your own nature. Distancing yourself from such people might be a wise choice.

Guerrilla
At some stage in life we all deal with anger management issues and to be honest we don't deserve to be deserted at that time. But if that stage is much more than just one and this attitude is probably our nature, then keeping up with us can be tough for others. And not only tough but trying to understand and be supportive towards such people can sometimes land you in their situation as you begin to grow tired of trying to lead them out of their anger bubbles. You may find yourself being more hyper than usual, loosing temper unnecessarily in social settings where you need to share space with such people. You may even tend to realize how slowly you're picking up their habits in efforts to deal with them. So before such social service turns out to be unhealthy for you, conclude that such people may never change, and if you still have issues with them remaining such, it's better you move on in life, before their characteristics begin to chase you.

Clencher
Well at least one person in our lives could describe us as clingy, but to be honest, that may not always be in a negative. But surely you would have one such person in your circle that you cannot bear for their such nature. While I would recommend you to give this a second thought because that person may truly require your attention and company, I wouldn't also suggest keeping them around yourself and treating them in obvious ways that may hurt them more. It's not about them, it's about you, maybe you're not the person who has the patience and temperament to keep up with any individual who demands more from you. You could still let them tag along and even without saying a word continuously hurt their feelings by making them feel different. If you can genuinely help such people, that would be the best thing to do, but if you cannot, silently back-off. It's best for them because they may now be able to find support in someone who can deal with them in a much better way. And it'll be best for you because you will be able to let someone go off without driving a wedge between you two.

Fabulist
It's self-explanatory, this person is the one whose whole life itself could be a lie too. This person has severe sincerity issues and as obvious as it can be, isn't someone you can count on. If you can picture a person while you read this, it's pretty obvious that you know the fabulist in your group, but either you don't want to loose them or you are just never prepared to confront them about this. It's not important to know what sort of a falsifier this person is, the fact that they can casually throw in a bunch of lies in the most random conversations tells a lot about their abilities that may not be the best to have. Their lies may even seem harmless to you, but what is truly harmful isn't the lie, but the fact that they can so easily pull off one. So before you get scammed unknowingly, it's better you walk away knowingly.

Migraine
This last category is my way of describing anyone you cannot absolutely. By now you maybe judging be for being cynical, short-tempered, demanding, non-cooperative...to be honest I cannot blame you. Throughout this piece I have been asking you to rid your life of certain types of people, quite possible that by now you must be laughing and already be prepared to question if I even have any friends of my own. As a matter of fact I have ample. And to be honest I have pretty much lead a number of people out of my lives who have belonged to these categories. But these categories are mine and yours may be different. So in this last category I'm pretty much asking you to show the door to anyone whose presence you just cannot absolutely stand, your reasons may be completely different from anything I have described above but it is high time that you just do it.

But before I leave, let's sum up the two reasons behind making you do this whole activity above. Look at the list of names in your hand. These are some of the people that have made your life unpleasant enough that you actually put their name down on that piece of paper just because of a stranger urging you to get rid of certain types of people from your life. Certainly something has bothered you to that extent in your bond with them that you are prepared to do so. Isn't it best to then refresh your social circle with a new kick-start. Bidding farewell to them may not be totally bad after-all, free yourself of those negative energies. And hey I didn't ask you to physically kick someone out of your life, times change, people too. What may be an unfavorable bond to keep today, may be a good one to rekindle friendship with down the lane, you never know what life has in store for you. Secondly, pretty sure you thought of a lot more names in your head than you put down on that piece of paper. You mentally jotted down many more and then crossed them out because despite all those differences and issues, some people mean much more to you than those things you have a tough time settling for. Maybe those are the people you need to have an honest conversation with and figure out a way off that tight rope, on their side or on your side, whatever suits you both.

Signing off on a happy and hopeful note. Find your inner peace with the people that matter the most to you. Happy holidays y'all!

To the Auntie on Mission Rishta-Appropriate

Why does everyone have to remind you about what they think about your body like its a public service message?
Why are people so bent upon reminding you that you don't fit their ideal standards?
I honestly don't care Auntie if that pimple on my face, that natural eyebrow, the colour of my skin or my extra round curvy figure hurts you, because it shouldn't.
I honestly don't care Auntie if you think I'm never going to find someone because believe me if I have to find someone as judgmental as you, I'm better of being single for life.
I honestly don't care Auntie if you feel I'm not "lady-like", because guess what, I wasn't born to live up-to your expectations. My wild laugh, my casual dressing, my wake-up face, my competitiveness...is what I'd prefer someone to fall for, not the fake ideal you want me to present.
You know Auntie I don't care if you think I will only find a life partner if I learn to cook, because I'm not looking for someone who adores my skills as a chef, I'm looking for someone who adores me for being myself.
I honestly don't care Auntie if you think I should wax more often, because guess what I'm not blonde and no matter how often I do so, those tiny black strands will still make you cringe as if they're piercing through your ski instead.
I honestly don't care Auntie if you think I'm way too curvy, because guess what I know that too. And even though I'm also trying to live a more healthy lifestyle, those extra pounds don't bother me enough to be the biggest thing on my mind.
I honestly don't care Auntie if you think being an ambitious girl makes me less of a woman, because guess what Auntie, unlike you I want to define myself on my own, not leave myself to be defined by stereotypes.

And now Auntie please don't turn to my brother and begin the same old rant.
Don't tell him that being arrogant and insensitive will define his manhood, because that defines being a jerk.
Don't expect him to boss everyone around, because believe me you don't but most people appreciate humanity, chivalry and care, and so does he.
Don't expect him to have an ideal muscular body, because he's strong enough to still be there for others and that's what truly matters, not the size of his biceps.
Don't begin your rant about how he should like a hero, because guess what Auntie when he cares for and protects those close to his heart, he already becomes a hero for them. Your materialistic definition is useless.
Don't tell him that he'll never find a girl until he's "well-established" because he wants to build a life with his life partner, not stage a setup to have someone enter his life.
Don't tell him that men aren't supposed to be emotional, because men are humans bound to feel too, stop forcing him to shove of his sensitiveness in a corner. If he doesn't feel, he wouldn't realize, and then he'll only hurt others like you do with your words.
Don't tell him to overpower women, because he loves all the women in his life and wants to be there for them forever, he isn't numb and callous like you.

Just leave us alone Auntie, stop forcing us to be Rishta-Appropriate.
Companionship is a beautiful part of everyone's life, but not the goal, and certainly not at the cost of loosing their self in the battle to fit in your "society's standards".

Believe, Act, Alter and Change.

If you really want to empower women?
You want them to get their rights?
You wish that an end should come to this gender inequality?

If you're a guy, honestly leave them alone. Let them live their lives and they will we more protected then you can imagine. Stop overpowering them and you wouldn't have to worry about empowering them. Lower your gaze and believe me they'll never have to face sexual abuse. Stop considering them as an object and start considering them as a human being and come to terms with the fact that you're no one to guard them, God is present there to protect his people.

If you're a woman and you believe you deserve all this, start considering the fact that every woman around you too deserves this. Respect other women and teach your children, your brothers and if you're a teacher even your students to do the same. Today you may be a young girl but tomorrow you'll be a mother and believe me if you educate your son to let women live their lives, his wife, his female colleagues, cousins, friends, his sisters, any random woman he interacts with everyday and even his own daughter will feel safe.

This women's day, simply don't claim that you support women and feminist campaigns. Change your beliefs, alter your actions and believe me the world will change itself. Your individual action will itself bring about a global change.

And last but not least learn to differentiate between a movement for women's equal rights, and a movement designed to unjustly switch the patriarchal society to a matriarchal one. Learn to differentiate between a feminist and a feminazi, they're NOT the same people, they DON'T fight for the same thing.

PSL 2017, A False Ray of Hope or A New Beginning

So Imran Khan aka our dearest IK from PTI passed a remark about the type of foreign players who showed up the PSL Final 2017 held in Lahore on the 5th of March.

For anyone who hasn't had a chance of viewing the clip scroll down this article to find the link:
http://www.mangobaaz.com/dear-imran-khan-please-keep-your-racist-remarks-to-yourself/

(courtesy Mangobaaz)

With all due respect towards the legend I found this to be a highly discriminatory remark. Utterly disappointed in his approach towards this matter.

It's not about the sort of foreign players who showed up, it's about the fact that they chose to show up despite all the threats. Claiming that they came to Lahore because they were of low calibre or that they came for money is discriminatory in itself, especially towards the fact that these players showed the world international cricket could come back home.

Half of the world believes we live in a war zone. Literally half of the people I've come across outside Pakistan ask me if it's safe to live in Pakistan, how come I'm alive after living in there till now...my answer of course is a recognition of the reality of threats, an explanation of the actual situation through a citizen's point of view which they aren't aware of and an optimistic approach based on how the situation has somehow improved over the years. For anyone who disagrees with me over the last part should recall the impact of operation Zarb-e-Azb and the situation of our country prior to that.

I'm not saying their choice to come is going to change beliefs overnight, but it was a positive step, it should be appreciated, the players shouldn't be demeaned.

As for those who didn't show up we respect their right of choice. But at this time when most of the people equate our situation to the situation of Iraq and Aleppo (earlier), we need to show them that yes we're still fighting a battle against terror, but no we aren't going to end up like other nations/places because our Forces haven't given up on securing our public. Yes we have, are and might still be victims of terrorism in the near future, but we have, are and will keep trying to change the situation. Till then recognise us as victims, not a country completely plunging into decline or heading towards vanishing from the face of the earth.

With that I respect the legend for everything that he has or is doing for our country, but I do strongly believe that every player who chose to show up deserves more respect than this.

The Half Human

It's customary in most places for children to be granted or charged less than adults for the very same thing, be it reward or punishment, children receive only a half. It may seem as a fair way and I don't disagree. But this idea of children receiving only half has enlightened me to think about something, are children half human?

Odd question? Well yes if course. But what if I tell you that from what I understand it's very true. Innocent young souls, not very little but not even quite like their adults. They may physically resemble the adults, their senses and desires may match too, but psychologically they're quite different from the grown up version of humans, more specifically today's humans.

Hate, xenophobia, racism, bigotry, selfishness, warmongers, heartless and criminals are just some of the words that don't have any place in their hearts till now. They have not adapted any of such qualities or become like any of these persons.They aren't influenced by the superiority complex, they don't practice discrimination. For an average human of today, such a thing is unlikely. It is unlikely for someone to not possess even form of evil. If one doesn't, then they most likely are the silent observers, who're even worse than the evil ones, because they see evil, they recognize it as wrong and yet they take no positive action against it.

Children can be described as naughty, they can do something wrong but only out of innocence, unlike their adults who do all this intentionally. Children are pure souls, the souls we adults educate to support evil. No child is born a xenophobe, a criminal, a hater, a racist...we make them so. We educate them to become a complete human, according to our definition a person who is bound to practice or support at least one form of evil.

Taming Women: The Impact of South Asian Codes of Conduct (Research Paper)

Bite your tongue, don’t say a word. Your voice isn’t supposed to be ever heard. Don’t shut yourself away, don’t you dare flinch. Your emotions are what makes their (men) hearts cringe. Chant this day and night, and believe me, you will already be past some of the main stages of becoming the perfect South Asian woman. Incorporate these ideas into your daily life, make them your mantras. Follow them, like to follow them is the sole way to survive. Believe me, you have already made quite a good start at embracing the values of the South Asian women.

The land of the 8 nations: India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Afghanistan, Nepal, Bhutan, Maldives and Sri Lanka, is where you will trace the origin of one of the strongest codes of conduct followed by women in the world; “the unnamed code”. As ironic as it may seem that this code has no certain name for its recognition, as true is the fact that this code does exist. The main rules of this conduct are the same for most of the situations in life. Silence of women on the atrocities they face, is one of the ways these women abide by these set of rules, since silence is the cornerstone of this code. It dictates that a woman does not have the right to rebel. Other rules include the acceptance of the concept of inferiority with regards to comparison with the opposite gender, giving up the right to make choices, living life in accordance with the decisions people make for you, recognizing that a woman has no right to complain, conforming to certain ideals etc.

The following examples from the different stages of a hypothetical female’s life in this region are products of either rules of the conduct itself, or the different ways it influences the lives of females in the form of atrocities, or acts of discrimination. At almost each stage in the girl’s life, statistical evidences from different South Asian countries will be presented, as evidences to show the observance of the rules of the conduct in the entire region. This shall cause a transition from how the conduct affects the girl’s life to the life of women in general. But before that, it is important to consider the general beliefs of the people in South Asia, and to understand if it is these beliefs that are the reason behind the existence of this covenant and its effects. It is also important to recognize the zones where this conduct is more effectual and why, and to trace a history of oppression in the region. The history can be considered one of the reasons these people negate the concept of the right of freedom, and choose to oppress women, the gender they consider weak.

South Asia, the land that predominantly is that of the followers of Hinduism, followed by Islam, Sikhism, Buddhism, Christianity and a minute fraction of other religions, is widely known for its residents’ strong affiliation with their religious values. These values are known to majorly influence the beliefs of these people. It is the land of those where Hindus worship goddesses, and where Muslims believe paradise lies beneath the feet of their mothers. The latter is theoretically a way of conveying the message that to obey the mother, is to be able to secure a place for yourself in heaven, which signifies the status of mothers for the Muslim population of this region. Invariably the holy scriptures of all religions followed in South Asia, including Buddhists, Sikhs, Christians and others, preach equality, or at least speak for the rights of women. South Asians claim in all sorts of ways that they are highly devoted to their religions. But these devotees are only devoted to certain parts of their religions. The parts that speak for the rights of women are mostly the ones they completely disregard. Their beliefs guide them to respect women or even treat them as equals; their actions as stated later, are in complete opposition to these beliefs.

It would be wrong to say that every South Asian woman is highly suppressed, but it wouldn’t be wrong to say a great deal of women belonging to this part of the continent, still face major forms of oppression. Most of these women belong to the rural areas of these countries, while many parts of the conduct apply to those living in the urban areas too. The code is enforced more strictly in impoverished regions where insufficient educational facilities make it easier to overpower women who are unaware of their rights. These nations, former British colonies (apart from Nepal and Bhutan), are now free from slavery, but have inherited the desire to rule from their former rulers. This desire amongst men (who have formerly served as slaves), is why they overpower those that they consider weak in comparison to themselves, women, and follow the system of patriarchy. Here the role of women is defined within such definite boundaries that it is impossible for these women to cross over them.

The moment a girl is born in South Asia, the first decision regarding her life is made. The decision about whether she shall be permitted to even live or not. Yes, this conduct doesn’t only guide a female how to lead her life; it also guides her about whether she even has the right to live. This forms the first part of the commands that state: others should make decisions for her at every step of her life, she is not empowered enough to make them on her own. It also forms the first impact she may encounter, the first atrocity she may face, as a result of that first decision made. With reference to this decision, it may also be the last atrocity she will ever face. A baby girl, of course, cannot make the choice to live or not, but then again this act signifies how the fate of these women lies in the hands of others. In India, the most populous country of the region, the figures of female infanticide are alarming. Dean Nelson, a respected editor and journalist notes in a 2012 Telegraph article that, “India is the most dangerous place in the world to be born a girl, with females almost twice as likely to die before reaching the age of five, according to the new UN figures (Nelson)”. Some more figures about female infanticide, obtained from The Lancet (one of the oldest and widely known U.K. based medical journals founded in 1823), BBC (a widely acclaimed news channel) and UNICEF are stated below.

The Lancet estimates that 500,000 female foetuses are aborted in India every year. As a result according to the BBC, “an estimated 25-50 million women in India are ‘missing’, if you compare the proportion of women in the population with other countries.” Staggeringly, UNICEF believes 10 million girls, were killed by their parents in the last thirty years (Peebles).

Graham Peebles, the author of this article, is a journalist who works at the Counterpunch, a bi-monthly political magazine published in the U.S. He is also the founder of Create Trust that works for the education of women and children. The figures Peebles states here are indeed ones that don’t shock anyone who has been familiar with the history of genocide in the country, and is likely to believe that our hypothetical girl can become a victim of the same situation. But that doesn’t shun the fact that despite all the efforts made by the government, international organizations and human’s right activists, the issue is still at a stage where it certainly cannot be ignored.

If the girl survives, life onwards is not a bed of roses just because she was not chosen to be murdered. The decision regarding her existence in this world was only the first part of the conduct. Fortunately if she clears the first stage without ending up in a grave, her life is itself destined to become hell. Escaped death? Great! Now the girl will be handed over to her mother, who will hover upon her throughout her life, monitor each of her actions and strictly ensure they abide by the covenant. It’s her responsibility to do so, the code orders her to. This is the worst part of this “unnamed code”, the fact that the guardians it has are majorly women themselves, beginning with the girl’s mother. According to its rules, it is the responsibility of women themselves to ensure that all other females abide by it.

If the girl is lucky enough to have a sibling of the opposite gender, she is “blessed” with the opportunity to face discrimination right from the start. Even if she doesn’t have one, she still faces the same circumstances; the existence of a male sibling just makes it easier for her to engulf this feeling of inferiority. The rules strictly dictate some gender roles and limitations; she like every other female should conform to them. Discrimination of course comes as a side effect, but who is concerned about that? No one. From the food she is fed, to the clothes she wears, and even the toys she plays with, she will always receive the thing that is inferior to what her sibling receives. She is made to understand gender roles even when she barely understands the definition of gender itself. She is a girl, she is to play with dolls, and sometimes she is too only play the games where she cooks, washes and irons, things girls are “supposed” to do. She is to listen to the commands defined by her brother, even within the game. She cannot take charge, it is against the rules. At an age where she merely understands she is different from her brother, she is constantly treated differently. Her brother is allowed to play outside, but for her it is important to remain hidden, to stay indoors. For her to ever step outside her house, it is vital for her to be guarded by her brother, mother or father, and in the later stage of her life, her husband. Without them she shouldn’t even think of stepping out alone. God forbid if she ever complains, her mother tells her to lower her voice, her father shouldn’t hear her “rant for equal treatment”. There you go; her mother has successfully made her pass through the first stage of her life, ensuring she doesn’t go against the commands. Notice how the girl is still too young to even understand the meaning of the word “conduct” itself.

The girl is now growing up; her elder brother has already been admitted to school. But the girl? No, she is to grow up to become a housewife and to raise kids. Why does she even need education? She needs to learn to run the house, and nothing more. That is what the code states is necessary for her, and it is enough. According to a report by the non-profit organization Alif Ailaan Foundation Pakistan, that was founded in 2013, and is working for the educational cause in the country, girls constitute for 55% of the total “out-of-school-children” in the country. Out of this value of 55%, 34% account for the category of girls not permitted to attend school by their own parents based on their willingness (Naz). Of all the other reasons presented as hindrances in the report, it should be noticed here how the matters such as of education being expensive, or the schools being too far, are considered more problematic for the girl, than for a boy. These are the same reasons that are stated when the girl questions this rule of “education not being important for females” for being a part of the code. A major percentage of girls are left with no opportunity to receive education. Another job well done by the parents at taming their girl to only stick to her role in the household, most importantly the mother. Her mother may have not received education herself, and be fully aware of the difference it has made in her life, yet she doesn’t choose to support her daughter. That’s the spirit of women; they fall in ditches and stay silent when they witness another woman tracing her steps to fall down in another one, together they all stick to the conduct.

Now if the girl went to school, she at least got one of her rights. And if she didn’t, then very well, she was stripped off by that one opportunity too. Either way, as the girl grows up she will be told to perform household chores as a part of her training to become a housewife. Her mother ensures she turns out to be the girl that is a source of “pride” for the family. Yes, apparently the mother here takes pride in chaining her daughter with gender roles, rather than empowering her enough to stand up for herself. Failure at complying with the code means, being constantly reminded by her mother that she isn’t “marriage material”, something the rules define as a female’s ultimate goal. Here it is important to understand that guiding the girl to learn these skills isn’t wrong, but the discrimination that indicates how these activities are only believed to be for the girl is. At a later stage in life where the girl’s brother will be allowed to work, she is to still restrict herself to household chores. According to the international financial institution World Bank’s statistics for female labor force participation rate for 181 countries in 2014, Afghanistan ranks 176 and also technically the last in its region with a rate of only 15.9% (Female Labor Force Participation - Country Rankings). This value is understandable as the estimated literacy rates gathered by the U.S government institution CIA in 2015 state Afghanistan’s literacy rate for women to be 24.2% (The World Factbook). The differences between the two values explain how despite receiving education, women like our theoretical girl are majorly forced to stay indoors and run households. Their responsibility towards the code is deemed more important than their freedom.

The next issue the girl may face in the form of rules of the code is child marriage. The rules prescribe that females should be married off as soon as possible. Some consider this “soon” aspect of the rule to be important to such an extent that they even go for child marriages. According to a 118 page report by the international NGO Human Rights Watch, “Nepal has the third-highest rate of child marriage in Asia, with 37 percent of girls marrying before age 18, and 10 percent before 15, though the minimum age of marriage for both women and men is 20 under Nepali law (Nepal: Child Marriage Threatens Girls’ Futures)”.

With marriage, child marriage is not the only issue the girl is likely face that can trace its roots to the conduct. Nepal along with all the other countries in this region faces a major issue called dowry. Dowry, the act of giving the daughter cash or other belongings in the form of gifts, was initially one that was offered to the bride-to-be by her parents, by choice, but with time this has become a demand of both the groom and his family. Dowry has become a part of the code too. This rule is not directly followed by the girl. But it is her job to remain silent, to not complain, even about any atrocity. She lets her parents spend all their earnings on this marriage. Saying a word against it may just lead to the marriage being cancelled, and then no one shall choose to marry her. Dowry is the price she has to pay in order to acquire marital status, the price her parents pay the price to get “rid” of their daughter. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that this matter can be related to the act of selling girls into marriage. Roshan Kumar and Barkha Jha, two human rights lawyers in their article published in The Rising Nepal (a local Nepali newspaper) state: “Firstly, the marriage arrangements and then the demand for huge amounts of dowry make the parents financially very weak. Because of the dowry system, people do not want to have a baby girl in the southern part of Nepal (Jha)”. Despite dowry being declared illegal in the country and in most of the others in the region, the matter still persists. Dowry is idealized as a form of the girl representing herself as willing to look after her future family.

Silence and blindness towards what is wrong are the keys to conform to this conduct. Before this marriage takes place, it is customary for the groom and his family to visit the girl’s house. What the bride-to-be goes through at this stage of her life is a perfect example of the rule that states that women have to conform to a certain ideal standard. It is customary for the girl to enter the lounge with a tray laden with all sorts of delicious snacks. The mother specifically mentions that these were all cooked by her daughter, in order for her to seem as the perfect chef for the new household, exactly what the code defines as her role. The groom and his family feast upon the food, while they judgmentally stare at her in order to evaluate if she is marriage material or not. She will be judged upon everything, from her looks to her speech, to her culinary skills, and her adeptness at performing other household tasks. She is to remain silent and only reply to any questions. Speaking up other than that is against the rules. She is to look down at her hands that rest in her lap. The part of her clothing that covers her head should not slip. She is not allowed to move much more than a robot that requires commands, the more robotic the daughter seems, the more cultured she is believed to be. The more obedient she looks, and the more traditional her values seem, specially based on her attire and skills, the more staunch follower of the “unnamed code” and “housewife material” she seems to be. Even after all that she does, the groom and his family are free to reject her. Rejection in itself is a cause of defamation for the family. It is something the girl and her mother both fear. The mother fears it for it will embarrass her in front of her husband for not raising her daughter in accordance with the code. For the girl it means to face abuse at the hands of her mother too, since she failed to abide by the conduct, and thus was rejected.

If the marriage doesn’t take place, the girl is left to live in her parent’s house for a few more months or years. Here again the girl’s mother will resume her efforts of forcing her daughter to adapt the ways of the code. She will be lectured about how she sits, if she works then about her job, the friends she has, how she dresses, how she carries herself, how loud she speaks, how she speaks and even how much she speaks. If she’s dark-skinned, she is forced to apply all sorts of allopathic and homeopathic face packs, creams and lotions on her face, anything that makes her seem fairer. Sri Lanka like all the other countries in this region is greatly obsessed with the idea of fairness, the girl becomes a victim of this obsession. Navodinee Wickramanayake, a youth correspondent at the UNDP in Sri Lanka, in her article published in Roar (a youth led media platform) states: “There is a gross underrepresentation of darker skinned individuals in popular culture in Sri Lanka. Even in instances where these individuals are of a darker skin tone, there is often extensive photoshopping and editing carried out to “fix” this (Wickramanayake)”. If the girl is healthy she will be guided to starve herself to attain the perfect attractive figure. Her mother will try every tactic to ensure her daughter fully conforms by the ideal standards of beauty, as dictated by the code. The conduct is her key to marriage and acceptance in the society.

A female is to be silent even when she is being targeted, that has been stated earlier too. This is a decree the girl’s mother constantly reminds her of. The result of this silence takes its worst shape when the girl is told to remain silent even when she is being harassed; our hypothetical girl is likely to face such a situation too. Stop Street Harassment (a non-profit organization) states, “The Bangladesh Bureau of Statistics (a government institution) and United Nations Population Fund (a UN organization) surveyed 12,600 women across the country in 2014 and most said they regularly face sexual harassment in their daily lives. About 43% said public spaces were the spot where they experienced it the most (Stop Street Harassment)”. The authority that these rules provide to men to choose to treat women as they wish, dictates women to conform to the idea that men are superior in comparison to them. These atrocities against females like our theoretical girl include those as severe as acid attacks and rape cases. Facing sexual harassment is not the only problem they face; they are forced to stay silent on the matter, due to the idea that speaking up this will only bring “bad name” and “shame” to the girl and her family. This evolves from the idea that when the attacker has no other explanation for his act, he raises allegations on the female’s character. In a region like South Asia where women’s honour is considered a big issue, silence is observed, even over atrocities, in order to protect the female’s dignity. If our hypothetical girl encounters a similar situation, she will be instructed to remain silent too. Jane Merrick a respected columnist in her article published in The Independent states, “The Maldivian government's own figures show that one in three women between the ages of 15 and 49 have suffered physical or sexual abuse over the past five years (Merrick)”.

The marriage may have not taken place earlier, but the parents of the girl don’t let this situation last long, since the rules dictate them to marry her off soon. Once the girl is married the abuse doesn’t end, it amplifies. The role her mother had in her own household, to constantly remind the girl that she is the one who needs to remain silent and practice patience, is now taken up by her mother-in-law. The mother-in-law along with other women of the society have such strong believes about the limitations of the girl and the treatment she deserves for stepping out of the limits of the conduct, that they forcefully do not let her cross those boundaries. Sarawati Sundas, a freelance journalist for the Thomson Reuters Foundation (a U.S. registered charity foundation) and World Is One News states, “A survey from Bhutan's National Statistics Bureau revealed that 68 percent of Bhutanese women believe a man is justified in beating his wife if she neglects the children, argues with her husband, refuses sex or burns the dinner (Sundas)”. This is an evidence of the obscure beliefs of women themselves, who in accordance with the code ensure no other female violates it. These beliefs are the reason many women in Bhutan constantly become the victim of domestic violence, such as Sonam mentioned below, a woman whose story Sundas covered in her article. Our theoretical girl is likely to end up in a situation like Sonam too.

Sonam Zangmo endured abuse at the hands of her husband for two years before finally walking out on him after the birth of her daughter." He used to lay his hands on me at every opportunity," said the 28-year-old Bhutanese woman, who is now bringing up her daughter, 6, alone." There were no better options," said Zangmo. "I want my daughter to have a good life." But without drastic changes in attitudes toward women in the tiny Himalayan nation wedged between China and India, it is likely her daughter will also suffer domestic abuse (Sundas).

From here onwards the story traces back to the point where the girl (now a married female) is dictated to give birth to a male child. The code dictates that it is a female’s job to provide her husband with someone to carry on his name, and that baby should be a boy. Yes, the code is enforced in pregnancy too. These people do not even consider the fact that she has no authority over her child’s sex. For them the rule is all they are bothered about. If she give’s birth to a female child, the new female baby may become a victim of female infanticide, the details of which have been stated earlier. She, the mother herself, may also face mistreatment for being deemed incapable to give birth to a boy. The freelance photojournalist Gethin Chamberlain, who has exclusive experience regarding covering South Asia (specifically India), quotes hands on experience of the background stories of female infanticide in his article in published in The Guardian. Rekha, whose story is quoted below, is just one of the women whose stories he covered. Our girl is likely to go through a similar circumstance too.

The birth of Rekha's second daughter should have been one of the happiest days of her life. Instead, she lay on the bed of her home on the outskirts of Delhi, the newborn child on the floor, screaming in terror as her mother-in-law poured paraffin over her. This was her punishment, the older woman said, preparing to strike a match: Rekha had failed again to deliver a son and it would be better for everyone if she were dead. (Chamberlain)

Rekha is not the only victim of such an occurring, there are uncountable others, many of these acts go unreported. Here it is important to highlight that female infanticide may not always be initiated by another female, as in the case of Rekha. But the refusal of other women to stand for the unborn or infant girls, and their choice to fulfill their responsibilities towards the conduct, has only made the matter worse. From the birth of the girl to this point, all the matters in between successfully summarize some of the rules and their impacts. The unjust effects don’t end there, but this stage of the girl’s life marks the last time the commands majorly impact her life. The rules of the code listed here and the examples of how it affects the life of women in South Asia, basically constitute for only a small share of the reality. Even in the modern day, life for many women in these regions has not changed much from the extent of these so-called laws imposed upon them. The belief is that these are the customs of the society and so one must abide by them, but the question is who made these customs? False religious references are also quoted in order to overpower women, but the fact is most of the limitations have no religious background at all. The word religion is used in order to create a fear amongst women, so that these religious devotees never rebel.

The “unnamed code” has ruled the lives of these women for centuries, and with the current pace of women empowerment, nothing can be expected to change dramatically, at least not soon. Females threaten each other to abide by these regulations, out of fear as to how males may react, if they hear of any form of disobedience. This ideology in itself is a self-created fear; if all women were to recognize their rights and support each other to attain them, no man could dare to come in their way. But the matter is they do not choose to do so. They feel the pain and yet inflict it upon another woman. Any change relies on that fact if these women denounce the code themselves. For these shackles to break, it is these women who will have to take the first step. Feminism is a widely recognized campaign that helps women defy this code, but the fact that this movement receives backlash from women themselves, explains how much the gender is united in the effort to abolish the code. Without the acceptance of this new ideology by the victims themselves, countless more centuries may pass and nothing shall change.

Works Cited

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